New to the 180. Help?

[G_Main]

[quote=G_Main]@j20a00g

Make the conversation "boring"? You can do what feels right or do what works. Choice is yours.

Ok. So I understand that the point is to detach and make a win-win situation for myself. There is also an underlying goal of saving my marriage, otherwise I wouldnt be asking for advice and spending money on a divorce coach.

Obviously I want to go the "right" way. What I've been asking is how do I know if its working? How do I know if I need to adjust tactic in regards to how I respond to him? Since it doesn't happen overnight, what changes or reactions am I supposed to be looking for?

Is it supposed to annoy him that I don't have time to talk to him all the time? Is the point to act like we're already divorced and for me to move on so he feels the loss before it actually gets to that point, or is the point to emphasize positive connection while maintaining a good distance?

Again, since my husband and I live 1200 miles apart at the moment, the short phone conversations are the only contact we have. And I am fully aware how much more difficult that makes it for him to see my positive changes.

I know I keep asking a lot of you guys and I really appreciate all of your responses. I'm working hard on myself to make myself feel better about all of this BS too. I'm reading a codependency book and talking to a coach tonight. I'm doing everything I can. Its so much crap to absorb.