I took advice and tried to detach. Tried to give him space. What occurs is a roller coaster. He checks in here and there, is amicable to me, but continues to do whatever he wants whenever he wants while letting me run the entire household/4 kids by myself.
On Sunday, he really pissed me off. I didn't talk to him for almost 3 days. He kept asking me what was wrong, what did he do. Finally, last night, somehow it turned into the dreaded R talk. Where he mentioned he is depressed, cited his paternal grandmother was depressed, talked about how he thinks he has changed and doesn't want his life to be chauffering kids to activites, he wants to travel alone, meet new people alone, but again re-iterated, he loves me, doesn't want to leave his life as he knows it, but has no desire to fix things with me and doesn't really believe we ever had a romance and he feels empty because if it. He says it is an important piece that is missing in his life. He cited that I am too independent, never tried to be sexy or seduce him, didn't validate him and doesn't feel loved by me. I told him he was wrong and told him if he thought he could find happiness else where he should leave and we should do it together. He says he isn't ready to make that decision and needs more time. He said he can't be in the house which is why he constantly leaves. The kids whining "mommy", neighbors coming in and out etc drive him insane. And he says he can't find anything to do in the house besides eat and drink and sleep.
This morning I cried to him, begging him to walk with me, help support me, that I felt so alone. He said he doesn't want to upset me, but he just doesn't have it in him to answer my open ended questions and doesn't know what working on it looks like to him. He told me he regrets saying anything to me about this and doesn't understand why I am so laser focused on him. He just needs time to be left alone and sort this all out. I left the house in tears.
I am completely lost.
How do live in this grey zone. He talks to me as a friend, but is completely detached from me. Can he really come out of this if I leave him alone? Do I go on with our life and attend social events with him as if nothing is wrong, REALLY?
What kind of 180 can I do when all his complaints about me I can't fix without focusing my attention on him. Right now I am 100% raising the kids. He is just a body in my house.
After all this, I am at work now. What do I do from here. Nothing? Do I go home and act like nothing is wrong? Continue my life? Really?
