Summer Fling turned into nightmare

[Sotto]

I think patience, time, genuine remorse and consistency are the key here. Your M has suffered a big trauma and the very foundations of trust on which every M is built have been severely shaken. For now, I would be grateful that he is still there and he seems willing to give your M a further chance.

If by 'spaz out' you mean him getting angry and feeling upset about what happened, my guess would be that may happen for some time. Looking back at my life, I see two of the most painful events - the death of my brother and my XH's infidelity. So, it is on that scale I'm afraid. It is possible to rebuild things, but it does take time and effort. That's not to say that you should tolerate any unreasonable behaviour, but it is important to accept that he may ruminate on things and want to discuss them, long after you are heartily sick of hearing about it and want to close the door on the whole sorry episode.

You may want to do some reading yourself and understand more about what got you to a place where you chose to be unfaithful. What were the pre-existing conditions in your M that contributed? How do you maintain boundaries with members of the opposite gender? What is okay & what crosses a line for you? How did that line become crossed?

You and your H may find it helpful to read After the Affair - it's pretty detailed and insightful when it comes to infidelity and there is much helpful information for the spouse who strayed and the betrayed spouse.

Do keep posting. Many of us here have spouses who were unfaithful and can provide insight. I'll also post a shout out to Sandi, who is a much loved poster on the forum and years ago had an A and their M was restored.

Take care