MC doesn't typically work well unless both parties are fully onboard and really want to work on the marriage. At this stage of things, your wife may say she wants to work on the marriage, but that's often not the case.
I would get input from others, but I don't want you to be disappointed if MC doesn't go well.
That pretty much what this discernment C is supposed to be for. She's confused and on the fence so it's up to 5 sessions for her to decide what path she wants to take. Status quo,divorce/seperation or 6 months of MC. From what I see from her I wonder if she is even in a place where she could even commit to the MC. Even if she did I would still wonder if she's really into it or just afraid to let go of her safety blanket. I think I will ask the C these questions tomorrow and see what she thinks.
Me:42 W:37 M:18 T:23 3S: 4,7,10 EA 6/16 ILYBNILWY 7/16 9/16 separate BR 10/16 Discernment Counseling She's moving out 1/17
That pretty much what this discernment C is supposed to be for. She's confused and on the fence so it's up to 5 sessions for her to decide what path she wants to take. Status quo,divorce/seperation or 6 months of MC. From what I see from her I wonder if she is even in a place where she could even commit to the MC. Even if she did I would still wonder if she's really into it or just afraid to let go of her safety blanket. I think I will ask the C these questions tomorrow and see what she thinks.
She's enjoy some tasty cake-eating. No reason for her to change anything at this point. She's not the one hurting, you are. That doesn't seem to bother her either. Personally I like to knock fence sitters off the fence. It gives you your self confidence back. It worked in my case. I decided I wasn't going to wait around doing the "pick me" dance. That's too degrading and was causing me too much pain.
Your GAL is good but I'd step it up even more. Do whatever you want. Activities that you may have loved in the past but gave up when you married. We all have some of those. Be the best version of yourself you can be. A very attractive version. That will either snap her out of her funk or you'll move on happy with your new positive strong, high self-esteem and have a great life.
So call it a gut feeling or whatever you want, but I feel like tomorrow's C session will be a big one. I have a feeling that after our 1st session if there was OM in the picture that she then went NC with him. Since that day I have slowly seen a softening in my W. Her one complaint was that she felt I hadn't given her space because I was talking to friends and family members about our sitch. She also said that in order for her to feel "safe" in the MC I had to keep it between us. I have honored her request and I just get the feeling that something will be decided one way or the other tomorrow. If she was in an A I can see why she would want that just between us. I know this is all a bunch of mind reading but it's just a hunch. The C pretty much said she was pushing her toward the 6 months of MC at the end of our last session. If she did go NC with OM 2-3 weeks ago would that be enough time for her to consider working on the M again?
Me:42 W:37 M:18 T:23 3S: 4,7,10 EA 6/16 ILYBNILWY 7/16 9/16 separate BR 10/16 Discernment Counseling She's moving out 1/17
To be fair I don't have any concrete evidence that there is or was an affair. I do have pretty solid evidence that this most recent trip was not to meet up with OM. There was the EA that started this whole nightmare but she said that ended and I have no evidence to the contrary. I have learned through my IC that I am hyper sensitive to being cheated on because that's what broke up my parents marriage when I was 10. Crazy how things in your youth can screw up your thinking 32 years later. Anyway I am about 7 hrs away from our discernment C session. If we end up working on our M or not I know from all of this that I have a lot of work to do on me and my insecurity issues. I am still trying to stay optimistic about us working it out but as hard as it is to think about now I know I will be ok no matter what.
Me:42 W:37 M:18 T:23 3S: 4,7,10 EA 6/16 ILYBNILWY 7/16 9/16 separate BR 10/16 Discernment Counseling She's moving out 1/17
So my gut feeling was wrong. She is still unsure what route she wants to take. This time the C had me do my individual part first. We talked about the Valtrex and I told her that I may have been jumping to conclusions. She said that I am just trying to suppress it so that I can avoid the conflict. She said it needs to be addressed and to let my wife know it's bothering me and I need an explanation.
We also talked about whatnI want to be going forward. I told her I want to be more assertive and take charge. Not have my W on a pedestal. Be more confident and not live in my fears. I told W all of this when she came in. I confronted her about the Valtrex and she said it was for shingles because they can be brought on by stress.
When I came in she said that the weekend away she did a lot of reflecting and talking with her best friend that moved away years ago. She said she is still trying to figure out who she is outside of me and the kids. We dated when she was 15 and married at 19 so I think she is trying to explore that early part of her life. She said to try to figure that out and work on us at the same time is overwhelming.
We don't go back until November 14. The C told us both to work on who we want to be going forward. She pretty much told me what I have heard here so many times. "Use this time to become the man you want to be".
My short term goals are as follows:
1. No Snooping 2. Journal here and at home only about me and my boys (No focusing on wife) 3. No social media 4. Totally focus on me and my boys
Any tips to help with these things are welcome. Please hold me accountable and don't hold back if I screw up.
Me:42 W:37 M:18 T:23 3S: 4,7,10 EA 6/16 ILYBNILWY 7/16 9/16 separate BR 10/16 Discernment Counseling She's moving out 1/17
