Hey Dave, I'm not tryin to pick on you...don't you hate when people start their messages like that, lol. BUT!!!!! Ah, you knew it was coming.. But, I understand that you have swept your old behaviors away that contributed to the demise, but what I was really asking is this: Do you think that you have successfully eliminated those old behaviors but perhaps substituted them with others?
I think that it is all too easy for us HD people to sit back and think, It is all 'their' problem and I am waiting for it to be fixed.
Well you know that this is not going to happen. And that's in regards to sex or finances or whatever the problem might be. Is it possible that your new "vigilance" on this topic is the NEW contributor? Or is it possible that there is something else?
All I'm saying is that there ARE things that I do to contribute to my own situation, even now, after all these years of trying to find a permanent resolution. I still haven't learned! UGH. But if I'm having a day where I want to bash H and just am reading into his every little action (and there's a lot to read and I suspect that I am right on, with most of my ASSumptions), then I also force myself to scrutinize my own behavior and sure enough there is ALWAYS something there that needs immediate attention.
That was my challenge to you. Is there something that you are currently contributing to the situation? Cause all you can really do is focus on yourself...focusing on Mrs. Dave is a dead-end road. You will be disappointed in what you see, or don't see. It is inevitable.
Oh and speaking of the emotional divorce, hey, I'm not sure I see anything terribly wrong with it. Maybe not a FULL divorce but this is a time of transition for both of you and there is no need to open yourself up so much that you are hurt by the lack of big strides (and only see baby steps) and therefore shut down even more than you would have. Just do whatever feels natural at that moment.
