Thanks bttrfly, I need to do a little better job of taking care of myself as I've been spreading myself thin and have been exhausted lately.
This post will probably be a little long as I've been to tired or busy to post lately. I've caught myself falling asleep posting a couple times and have just gone to bed.
I've been keeping busy and it's a little hard to GAL. I've been taking care of the kids full time so whatever I do has to include them but I've been making sure we get out and do things. We did a school movie night and hockey game this weekend so they had a good time. I've also been job hunting and have applied for a couple jobs. It's time for a change.
W is still coming over mornings and nights for dinner then going back to her friends. I've been trying to take the advice I've gotten and keep my expectations at zero and just enjoy my time. It's hard but I'm trying. We talk and joke a lot now. In addition to talking more she has been venting quite a lot to me too. I'm glad I'm able to be there to listen and that she's coming to me to do it. I'm not trying to give advice, fix, etc. just listen and validate.
Funny, I was all concerned about the upcoming 4th in my previous posts. We were at sons doctor's appointment and she scheduled his next follow up for that day. She had no clue. I told her it wouldn't work because of the court date and she told me we didn't need to be there which is not correct. I just let it go. I did have to meet with my attorney that following Monday and told her what was going on and that I was in no hurry. She suggested we put in a motion for a mediation so we wouldn't have to go to court that day and that would put things out awhile. W did get correspondence in regard to it and was acting standoffish with me that day but that was it. We haven't talked about it at all.
Also last week W asked to talk to me in the kitchen as soon as she walked in and then told me about a lady who she told me about a couple weeks ago who had a corgi and said she came to her back to her office and said she needed to find him a good home. W wanted him bad. I told her what the heck, I've already got a circus going on. She's been taking him to work and he stays here at night. He's actually been really good and W is loving having him. W has been brining up finding an apartment almost daily now though. The week before she told me she was going to wait awhile. I don't say too much about it. I've just told her not to rush into anything a couple times.
There have been a few things I don't know what to think about. For the last week or two she has been leaving before I put the kids to bed but I know she is tired and hasn't been feeling good with her condition. Last night she came over so we could carve pumpkins. W and I have always enjoyed this, even before we had kids. She was supposed to come over in the afternoon but said she didn't feel good (I know she didn't the day before and said her boss was sick too) and didn't want to make the kids sick but went shopping for the kids instead and didn't come over until dinner time. Then she hugged all over them when she got here and seemed fine. She stayed after and talked to me for a little while and I ended up giving her a back rub again. Things were nice and friendly. Also earlier in the evening she saw a necklace my mom left here this weekend and asked whose it was, then said "so you know, I wasn't trying to ask if you had a girl over or anything." She has slept in my bed a couple nights when I've had to go out of town (a few weeks ago she would stay on the couch) and has gained a good amount of weight (which I think is great), back to where she was before she lost a bunch before the crisis. She has also told me she is not sleeping well at all, that she has trouble falling and staying asleep. And tonight when she was leaving she told me to call her if I needed anything this evening. I told her thanks but was thinking what the heck.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right thing here. I'm trying to do what I think is right. To try with everything I have to save the marriage, keep my family together and to be a friend that is there for her. Things are a lot better between us but I wonder about the kids. One night they asked me why mom didn't live with us, if she was ever going to move back in, etc. I didn't know what to say so I just told them I didn't know. I know this is really hard on them and it certainly shows at times.
