It's REALLY hard to believe so many similarities. I even identify about the ED. That's been my state for YEARS (too many to count). I really wish they had a "crying" graemlin here, although I suspect it would see ENTIRELY too much use.
I really believe at this point the "going dark" of ED is totally useless, unless you just want this to go on and on and on and on and... That's why I'm making the efforts I am. That's why I've said to W, in so many words, "This is the last time. If I find myself back in that desert, I'm taking the first available off-ramp."
Dave, I hear you about the conflict-avoidance thing... just know that all it does is drag this thing out longer. W and I are EXACTLY where we were 5 years ago, even 10 years ago. It doesn't make anything better. I no longer even believe that my kids have benefitted in any real way... I think all I've taught them in the meantime is how to have a sh!tty marriage...