Quote: Anyway, i think the best thing I can do is to get myself back into a semi-emotionally-divorced state of mind but continue the good behaviors. This will allow me to wait for her to change some things without me getting these "jiggety" feelings. Don't take this idea as "harsh", it's not. It's just that my current vigilance is excessive and I need to temper it so I'm not going nuts over all these little things. That might actually solve alot of this. I just wish she would tell me.
Wow, AD...wow wow WOW. Your W and my H sound a lot a like (right down to the "let's find a new TV show to get addicted to so we can avoid spending quality time with the spouse"). As someone who has chosen the "emotional divorce" route with H, I can say that it only works for a little while, but eventually those pent-up feelings of frustration and hostility come out in ways you wouldn't expect. You'll find yourself NOT wanting to be super-hubby anymore when you're not getting much in return, and you'll do little things to sabotage the relationship - all to avoid what is REALLY on your mind.
Of course, the advantage of the emotional divorce is you have no expectations of change from your spouse. Maybe, if you are able to keep up the ED long enough, you eventually start to feel like that is a normal state of being. In my case, I started the ED process a few years ago and was snapped back into reality by H's bawling "I want us to be more intimate" revelation 11 days ago. The sh*tty part is that, with much help from this board I might add, I decided to come out of my ED state and give the marriage a chance to be real again, and I feel I'm getting kicked in the nads for it. (Even though I don't even have nads!)
So if you do choose the ED route beware that there are times she might come out of her shell a little, but I would recommend against being foolish enough to completely let yourself back out of YOUR shell because chances are she'll just pop right back into hers. I'm starting to think H had his "revelation" only as a test to see if I still really loved him. Now that he is satisfied the "real" me was hiding in there somewhere, he's back to denial mode and still reading his stupid-ass car magazines and PROMISES to get to the changing-himself (and read SSM book) mode as soon as he is finished with the latest issue.
All this while he says this issue is a PRIORITY for him. Ha!
Rant rant rant. Could I be any more pissy today??? And please nobody tell me to be patient. Sh*t, I've been patient for YEARS. When is it going to be MY turn to be the real me again? I'm wondering if that can ever really happen with H. The proof is in the pudding, and his pudding is TV shows and car magazines.
