Quote: 1. She must be who she used to be 2. She must desire you 3. She must desire you without any assistance (effort?) on your part
1) No she does not have to be what she once was. I only refer to what once was, only because that is the part of the marriage that was actually good for me. The current state of the marriage sucks. I am open to any change that is better in the future, maybe even better then the OLD marriage?
2) Must she desire me? Well, again, my only reference point for when my marriage was good was when she had desire. Is this a requirement, no. But how often does a women acually solve this SSM problem with out SOME form of desire returning. 3) No assistance from me. Not completely accurate. Sure, I need to make me a desirable guy to her. Yes I need to meet her needs. That would be assistance. Will I initiate most of the time, yes. But relationships have to be two-way streets. Currently, 100% of all physical touching of ANY kind comes from me. This is absolutly wrong. I need her to initiate some of the physical touch, but less then 50% of the time. Unfortunately, to get serious love bank deposits, she must be the initiator. And this applies to all sex AND affection.
From what I have discussed, it is obvious that desire has a MAJOR impact on the chances for success. Solutions to marital problems require something that requires as little effort as possible so that BOTH spouses can meet the needs of the other CHEERFULLY. WIthout desire, the taks just gets about 100x harder.
