Focus on Me and the Boys 9

[Georgia Bulldogs]

The oldest is only 7 so it gets pretty hard to manage this but MAYBE if you can afford it add a cheap home phone or get a cell phone line for the kids to share and communicate with mom. The "mom phone". She can text and leave messages for the kids and they can call her on it and you can give each child the opportunity to call her when you tuck them in at night (be sure to put a tracker or something on it so you can locate it in your house as the young ones will walk off and put it who knows where.

Then you communicate to your wife that you are looking to facilitate and ease communications between her and the 5 boys but you are not necessarily responsible for making it always happen. If it works, the cell phone could even travel with them to mom's someday and be YOUR method of communication circumnavigating your wife.

You merely provide the means of communication. You aren't responsible if your STBXW simply refuses to use it. Contacting you should be for emergencies only. Any other call or text message to your phone gets ZERO response from you.

So running around with the kids and the "mom phone" rings, you hand it to a kid and they answer and talk or not. If it goes to voice mail, you let her know you will play if for the kids later (so she's not yelling or complaining to you since it will be played for the kids without prescreening it). Put her on speed dial and hit send when you tuck a child in and they either get her or her voicemail and leave her a message. It's a good time for the kids to talk too as they settle in and are less distracted by friends, brothers, toys, electronics and playing.

Eventually the oldest child becomes in charge of the phone and can use it himself as long as he handles the "mom call" stuff????

Don't know if that's right but certainly beats all the mental anguish you're going through now trying to take care of 5 boys by yourself while validating and managing the feelings of your abandoing anger bitter STBXW that should be there helping, not making things more difficult for you.

You teach people how to treat you and she has absolutely no respect for you right now. I'd estimate your attempts at "validation" are just super annoying to her right now. She probably just thinks it's a sarcastic mocking part of your game of manipulation and control. When you are this far along in a high conflict divorce, there is nothing authentic appearing about "validating" your adversary. If and when you two are actually respectively communicating in a trusting manner, validation might help foster some understanding between the two of you. It's a decent listening technique but I don't see it as very attractive the way you appear to be using it. She hates you right now because you didn't give princess everything her entitled little wayward heart desired. You validating her right now just angers and confuses her. IMO, you are better off yourself emotionally disengaging.