Learning the Two Step:Quick, Quick, Slow, Slow

[melweb]

Hi Cil. Thanks for checking on me. I will be catching up with everyone now that things are settled.

We have moved back to our hometown, into our house that had been on the market for over a year. The decision was a good one as we we were going to lose money if it did sell, plus our youngest S was not happy in the new place. Though prob contributing a lot to that was the sitch between me and H. So here we are...

The sitch between me and H: hanging in there. Can that be a prognosis? Obviously we have good days and bad days, and I struggle almost daily, but we are both working toward a common goal: saving the M and making better.

But not to be all shiny, happy people... H says the A is over and I need to "just get over it and move on." Not really the loving support I would wish from him. On the other hand, I refuse to dwell and let it define me. I will not be all "boo-hoo, poor, poor pitiful me, my H had an A."

However.. I still feel stuck. Some things really bother me: 1) How the A ended. I know he said he loved her, and always will, misses her, etc. Not exactly the FU I would have liked. But clearly I do not want him to call her and tell her that now!! Honestly, I am not sure how he ended it with her. There was a 40 min phone call a month after it supposedly ended, and 3 texts msgs after we moved here. 2) I feel like I have done more than my fair share of the peace- keeping, marriage-saving and "own-its'. Sure, I know that in the beginning it was good DBing, and for me, but now I feel taken advantage of. He has stopped most of his replay, has gained back the weight he lost etc. She was worth it, but I am not?? Resentful? Maybe. Petty? Probably.

Before anyone asks, we have not done any MC. Finances seem to keep preventing that, and this move made that worse.


I hope I am not babbling. Anyway, gonna go catch up