well... saw W at D's soccer game. D was awesome. D got to be the goalie for the second part. W received a call from ow...they talked about how ow just woke up, it was around noon. Weird cus W is an early riser like myself. W asked how ow was. they talked about OUR home. how the handyman came by and he fixed this or that...that was not fun to listen to. not just that but W was all sweet on the phone. I wanted to throw up. W did have a chair for me. that was nice. W and I didn't talk much though W told me how D was being a brat that morning and wouldn't talk to W. D didn't want to do her chores. Was talking back this and that. I didn't validate, I just asked questions. I'm not sure why W told me this. Seems like D is a brat to W more often. I know It's because I'm not there, I don't put up with D's crap. I'm more strict. D is never like that with me. Or around me. Kind of got the vibe W wanted me to talk to D but I'm not a mind reader. So I didnt say anything. Besides W and D left right away, they were in a hurry. W told me to have a good day. That hasn't happened in a while either. Bummed I didn't get to spend any time with D but not much I can do there. W texted me on Sunday that my sister stopped replying to her texts W asked me to reach out on her behalf for some bill thing. I did. That was that. Staying Dim. Not much happening. Not sure how being dim / dark will help my W come around but at this point it's all I got that makes me feel semi-normal.
Had some great gal. Went out with some friends on Saturday. There was a zombie crawl downtown. I had a good time with the exception of I hadn't seen a couple of them in a while and as soon as they saw me they asked where W was. My friends all have a significant other, I was the odd number out of course. First time in a long time. That was like a knife to the heart. It's been 6 months and some people still don't know. I did get a few compliments that I'm looking good. That was nice to hear. We had a good time. Have gal tonight, a friend texted me to come over and just catch up. It should be fun. I need to go get a blanket for my couch. It gets cold in my room. Though I have mine from before W, It not only is my W's favorite, but I fear it'll just remind me of her every time I use it. So I opted to purchase a new one. Also need a headlamp for my runs. It's too dark by the time we go running with my running group.
I don't get many replies here. Which is fine, If I wasn't typing here I'd be writing this in my journal. But It would be nice to get some input...the only bothersome thing about being dim / dark is not that I worry what W is doing it's more of...how in the heck would or why would she come back? W is playing house with OW? I do enjoy not talking to W or seeing her... but it's weird. Still trying to wrap my head around Why If I feel good without her why do I want her back? How am I the lighthouse? How do I become the lighthouse? How is this helping me any? I don't see it. I know the ultimate goal is for cheesyt to be content / happy living MY life without W. I feel pretty close, obviously I have bad days when I miss the W I had. I do miss her. I don't need her. I do want her. A friend asked when I will start dating. I mean, I don't even want to. That seems so dreadful. Not ready for sure.
