It is extremely difficult and it can take a long time. The more you focus on him and the hope that he will come back, the longer it takes. Thus the saying fake it until you make it--allow yourself moments to not think about him and the heartache and enjoy life. Over time those moments will become longer.
Have you ever lost someone close to you that died an unexpected death? Or really, any death that caused you much grief? This is similar in that it is the death of your M. Each person grieves in a different way and for different amounts of time. Sometimes long periods of sadness, hopelessness, frustration, then guilt, and even interspersed with humor and bursts of joy. You will find your grief pattern when you accept that he is gone and allow yourself to let go. I see that you--and many posters--have not let go.
Someone very close to me died right before I found out about my H's ea. So yeah, he was having an A with my "friend" while this person was dying and then died. He even had the nerve to drop the ILYBINILY cr-p while I was going through this. It was terribly painful and confusing. I didn't even know how to grieve because I was so blindsided by his behavior. The loss of my M was far more painful than the loss of the person because I also felt betrayed and unworthy of love.
I held on tight to WH for a long time. I couldn't accept that he was gone. Eventually I let go. And I can see now how much more it hurt me to hold onto hope. So I think step one is letting go of hope. That is the hardest step. Then you can grieve the death of your M.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
