Firstly just want to say sorry for not keeping up to date with everyone's threads as I should, I have been on phone data for a couple of weeks so have had to be selective.
On that note, this is a quick update on how things are going over in my world. Well, the good news is h is still here. The bad news is, the trip away has been cancelled (was supposed to set off last week), we have sold the caravan and am back to being in limbo with him.
Everything was going ok, we have had a few ups and downs, mainly finding our level, but generally having fun, laughing and being comfortable around each other. But the physical (which I think I mentioned before) has not come about, not a kiss, not a touch, nothing. So I bought the subject up (as we are supposed to be practicing communicating better ) he admitted that his libido has gone and he had not noticed it had until he had spent a few days with me and realised he did not have any romantic feelings for me at all, in fact no desires in general.He says he wants to mend this area as to him it is the full package and he wants that, so he is starting therapy tomorrow, he has a couple of sessions alone and then I am to join him. He has voiced his concern though that it may return and he finds that I am indeed not appealing to him and in that case he wants to permanently separate as I wont be the full package and he wants to have the chance of meeting such a women .......good luck with that, seriously it will take a saint to put up with him and that's before he finds "the one" he can tolerate as he is so picky.
Those words - permanently separate - they rolled off his tongue so easily, it was quite unnerving. Anyway, for the first few days I was in a state over it, the whole "here we go again" feeling, but I contacted my IC and she talked me down off the ceiling and told me its actually quite common and not to worry unnecessarily, she feels because everything is there for him, all the other boxes have been ticked, he has made the moves to come back in to my life not the other way around, that this is just a hurdle we will get over together.
Being honest here, yes it will hurt if he decides to leave again, but I have found it challenging at times having him back, I have been on my own for the past couple of years and got into my own routines and enjoyed the selfishness single life brings.
So for now its watch this space, we should know which direction we are going in by Christmas. If we are staying together then I see us going from strength to strength. He is very attentive and aware of making me feel an equal to him, also wanting me to make decisions about what we do and where we live etc, (this was pre libido issue talk). His is giving more control over to me, which for a naturally controlling person is quite a change and challenge I am sure.
I gave up work, was the best thing I did, I feel so much better. I will start looking for a new job in a few weeks, but for now I am enjoying my time off. My course for this year is coming to an end, just one more assignment to complete. We are currently s19's lodgers as I signed over tenancy, but we are only staying for a couple more weeks as he has rented my room out lol.
So that's it from me. All change, nothing stays the same for long !! The trip dream is over for now, but I feel its more important to get these issues that occur sorted out sooner rather than later.
I will try to catch up with everyone soon. Love n hugs xx
