Arrousal is not the problem, once I get her motivated, she has little problem. Her "Desire" is the problem. It's kind of like being married to a corpse today. During the "GOOD" years of our relationship (the first 4 years) we made love everyday, we kissed lots everyday, we held hands, we flirted, SHE INITIATED SEX on occasion, and most importantly, she gave BJ's with earnest. Then children came and her libido went south and has continued to get worse. THe AFFECTION also died. So my issue is not just about sex, it is affection AND sex that died. I want them both back. The key here is that the affection and sex were great when she had DESIRE. She no longer has any desire for sex, she has told me many times that if she never had sex again, that would be ok with her. Obviously there are many physical as well as relational problems. I am working with her on the relational problems, but I really believe that even if they all get fixed, she still will not have "Desire". For a women without desire, it is VERY hard work for her to be affectionate and sensous. How many ND woman want to give BJ's, ESPECIALLY WITHOUT ASKING. My wife USED to be like that. To me, BJ's is the ULTIMATE act of affection. The key to being lovers is that both wish to pleasure the other. Can a woman want to pleasure her man without having desire? That seems to be almost an impossible task for a ND woman. At the age of 45, my desire for sex is higher then ever, yet my desire for my wife is declining, since I find it very hard to desire someone and NOT have that desire in return. All I want is for her to be the women she was, not the women she is. It just seems to be all about desire, and it's just not there.
