Feyth- You're correct in that behaviors of the WAS during their crisis do not necessarily warrant a diagnosis; if they weren't like this before their crisis and aren't like this after, any psychiatric diagnosis made based on their behavior during crisis is probably incorrect.
On the other hand, sometimes once you get a little space from your spouse and the rose colored glasses come off, you may see things that were always there or that you ignored. I didn't recognize my ex's own narcissism until after we split. A friend helped me recognize that it was always present.
