Found out about W affair, she does not know I know

[Steady9]

Talked this morning--- and plan to take rest of day off and spend time working around house and talking kids for hike.

This morning we talked about both the secrecy of the new friendship and the sex. My W is better today- I can tell. Like the way she wa 5 years ago or something. So this event has been an awaking I think.

I know this is bigger than the sex act. So we talked about needing to think about what was missing and what she needed etc. I did use the phrase -- how did it happen where one day it is ok for you to let another penis in you.... something like that. This is not the way we normally talk ... later as she explained she used my new phrase and then made a sound and put her head in her hands. I needed her to say it out loud for her (in my opinion). She could have gone the rest of her life with this secret. She said so and I believe her. But I feel for us to have a more mature relationship moving forward -- we need to turn this event into an opportunity and take the most from the learning -as individuals and a couple.

In her mind this is over. The sex was only a short amount of time... that what she said. They spent more time walking around or talking on this recent trip. She said the sex meant nothing and just let it happen... she knew it was not gong to continue and it would have ended on its own but I certainly accelerated by bringing into open. She told guy to not contact her anymore.

She turned off her FB account.

I believe she has turned the corner. Now I need her to take more time to discover herself...what she needs.... who she is.... so this will not happen again ... not sure she gets this. She does know she needs to be more accountable for her life and where she is.... but not sure she did all the investment needed...

I understand we are going fast through these events.

We started or I started an idea
I told my W that we are broken up. We can date ... and maybe get married again. Let's pretend we got divorced a year ago and we started dating because we see each other while we exchange the kids.... this gives an opportunity to talk about the future or today without the A topic dominating.

This has worked out interestingly for the last couple of days. She has played along. The idea is that I have moved on emotionally but still open. And if she want a to date or ask me to marry her , there are certain boundaries or commitments needed. I have used her letter to me earlier in this blog as a backdrop.

I have to admit I have found this very helpful to my mind and heart -- hearing her share about how and what she will do for the future versus only about the past.

Ok