I see you are over here in MLC, and I don't check over here, for not much reason other than the habit of only looking in Newcomers. I quickly read over your thread and am confused as to why you think he is having a MLC? If I recall he picked up and left, there has been no contact, and now your D is separating from him, however you don't know what he is up to or if there is OW--did I miss something?
The reason I am probing is because I want to caution you from trying to make sense out of his behavior as a way of invalidating it. Some people have As and leave their spouse or just walk out on the M and we don't always understand why. I think there is some subjectivity as to what a MLC is--some might define it in more extreme terms where as others might say that a person bold or depressed enough to walk out the way he did must be having an MLC--but either way he is gone and he means it. They all "mean it" in the sense that their actions are leaving the M, and MLC or not does not help in assuming if they will come back, it just means the journey could be longer. Job, is that wrong to assume?
Sometimes they come back around and often they don't. We cannot predict this. We can spend a lot of energy trying to analyze if they will, what they are doing, why, mind reading, etc, but none of that serves us in moving forward. The reason I started posting at all is because having come out on the other side now, I can see how I caused a lot of my own pain by focusing on WH and his actions. I see that you are texting him but it hurts you when he doesn't reply or makes you anxious waiting. My dear, please, please don't torture yourself in that way! You must have zero expectations of him right now. Protect your heart because no one else ever will.
That is how we begin to move forward. Let go of expectations of him. He is gone. Turn the focus into being the best Coly you can be and fill your life with love and support. I see so much postive in your sitch and that has nothing to do with him. That jerk picked up and left you and it's okay to be mad!
Start to slowly and consistently bring back focus to what matters.
-Coly -her D -her friends, family, people that love her -an awesome promotion -yoga -puzzles -something that brings you joy each day big or small -fun plans to look forward to this week -that home project or craft or whatever
But make this list your own. Edit and add as you wish. Reread it every morning and night. When you think of H or your heart aches for him, snap that rubber and and pull out your list for YOU. How can we recondition your mind? Eventfully your heart will catch up.
Trust me, you do not want a man that can up and leave you and your D. You do not. You want and deserve a man that values you and your M, that will stick by you in hard times, that is open and honest, and that is willing to look at himself and his actions. Until that man appears and is extremely remorseful, he can take that chocolate cake and shove it right up his arse as far as I'm concerned!!!
Look, my H has been back and done ALL the work. He is a changed man, good H, and wonderful father. I still have to deal with the hurt he caused me and my family. But I also know I allowed that. I allowed him to hurt me. I wish that I had protected my heart more.
You can start now. I know you can. Each week and month will slowly get better if you can start to take those baby steps away from him.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
