Still hanging on ... just

[Oluwa]

Hi. Yes I did read some more of the articles and threads you posted. They make alot of sense, especially the Pursuer - Distancer model, which is definitely been the dance in our marriage for a very long time. Of course, as she has stated her lack of love, its made it even worse for me and I have pursued alot, but in the last few months have learnt to deal with it better and not pursue as much. But I am clearly still pursuing and not full detached by any means.

With the way we are running our lives with the 3 kids, it is very difficult not to talk and engage with her. I slept in the MBR again last night, no cuddling from her (2 weekends in a row, but im not counting!!). She still likes to engage me in conversation about her work and other general stuff, just like me being a close friend.

I'm hoping to order DR tommorow, went to local bookshop today and they didnt have it or order it. Worst case I will have to order online and get it delivered to a friends house.

So I have to muddle through with some of the ideas. Am I meant to not show interest in her conversations anymore? I know everyone says that whole detaching is counter-intuitive, but I just can't see how this would benefit our current sitch.

Saying that, my IC who advised to separate in the house in one session and then subsequently move out in another is clearly telling me the same thing, I guess maybe he feels I can't detach without physically removing myself from the situation? (He may well be right).

I gotta say it again, that I have spent so long on this already that I am finding it hard to want to work on it, i.e. wait in limbo for more months. Im gonna read the book and journal for a while and see how things pan out.