Cherry. He's gone, but the drama has not

[Cherry]

Yeah, thanks surfer. I now get what you mean by when you said separation can bring a sense of calm, as well as the odd sense of sadness. And the sense of calm is that our routine is less interputed with the when is he going to come home, or what mood is he going to be in, and am I going to get spewed upon.

Obviously he feels comfortable enough to swing by. He says he will be over tomorrow. When he left he branded the house toxic. Maybe he will see a change in my behaviour as I begin to truly working on me and looking after me. The desperation I may or may not have been emitting may have gone as I begin in thinking that I just need to get myself to a better place to interact with him as the father of my children, NOTHING else. I don't think he's going to like it if he hears that other slimy creeps are putting the moves on me. He told me only the other day that I deserve better than him and he will grill any man that comes into my life (we shall see about that!) Ashe wants to know that they are good enough for me and will look after me. That kinda came across to me that he doesn't want me, but he doesn't like the thought of anyone else having me either. Truth is I'm okay being alone, yes I'd love to have my family back together, but for me personally, I see that after a big commitment, you need to take a good lot of your time to just focus on you and figure out what you want in life. I don't want a rebound, and certainly not while pregnant, I'd feel as though I'm disrespecting myself and my baby. I know some women do find someone else while pregnant, but this is just my thoughts.

I see the time after a breakup as that time you rediscover you. When I broke up with my ex, I went travelling the world for a while. And I came back refreshed, replenished and confident. Obviously I can't do the same thing now, but I'll find a way to achieve this without packing my bags and escaping for a while