PP's New Solo Adventure (11)

[PigPen]

Been a LONG time since I've updated but will fill anyone in who's interested. I've searched the forums, all new names, so much heartbreak. Eh.

I'm still married, although at this point I email my attorney ever week and ask her what the hold up is. No kids, no house, STXW accusing me of stalling, etc. Should have been done a long time ago in my opinion. I've even told my STBX, the one I fought and fought and fought for - I have no place for her in my life any more. The people I surround myself with now are nothing short of inspiring, and she is not. It was one of the most liberating things I've ever said.

But, I'm also still following Cadet's advice and using the time to my advantage.

I still have another two and a half months of travel ahead of me, there have been so many incredible experiences this year, too many to list. One of the highlights that I'll try to elude to here and still keep my anonymity is giving a TED talk last month. If you google pain, guru, and TED, you'll find me. The talk was the culmination of so much of what I've learned from BD onward. I got a standing ovation at the end of it, walked off stage, and then fell apart from the release. I felt like I finally got to tell my story publicly and inspire people to use what they're going through to their advantage - just like DB'ing teaches us.

Believe it or not, on four separate occasions this year, I've stopped, taken a deep breath and said out loud, "Thank god she left me." That is the truth. A truth I never would have thought possible when first coming on here, nor when I got served, nor when she sued me for our dog, nor when I was nearly suicidal over the entire thing early on. Please take note of that those of you who feel like your lives are over, that your M ending is death, and that life isn't worth living any more.

Your life is over, thank god. It was an older, lesser version of the one you now get to create. Your M ending is a death, the death of something that needed to die - now you get to create a new one with your S or with someone that won't walk out on you. And life, oh life is so much more magical than you ever could have imagined - IF - you follow Cadet's advice and use the time your spouse has given you. Use it wisely, fiercely, and selfishly. Dedicate a portion of each day entire to you, your well being, your education, your spiritual growth, or anything at all that makes you happy. You now get to do you, over and over and over again.

I'm 21 months into this ordeal, and can say with 100% certainty - I'm over my W. I don't think about her any more, when I hear about her it doesn't pull on me, and as stated, on four occasions I've thanked the Universe for her leaving. The pain is exquisite, crushing, and on some days more than any of us feel we can bear, but it's also the greatest catalyst for positive change you will ever receive - so use it while you have it. Soon enough it will be gone, as will the incredible drive it provides you with.

RD - my life has become the great adventure I always wanted. My days are spent in conversation with truly fascinating people, people who just like me are putting themselves out there, daring bravely, and trying to make the world a better place. I laugh louder than I ever did in my marriage, and most importantly, love the guy staring back at me in the mirror in the mornings. If I had to trade my M in for that, it was well worth it. Right now I'm still in the southwest of the US, but have set my life up so that I'll be traveling to teach and lead seminars for the next few years - intentionally homeless, with the whole world as my home.

For those of you in the thick of misery - it does get better. Believe me, it does. Whole worlds open up to you if you'll let them. This too shall indeed pass. Trust in the DB process, trust in finding something to be grateful for especially on the days when that may only be "I'm half alive." Trust in the advice the vets give you on here, and trust in the little voice inside of yourself that's telling you "It's all going to be ok, in fact, if you do this right, it's going to be better than you ever imagined."

Cheers to you all, hugs to you all, love to you all.

PP