Thank you for the information Cadet. I'm still unsure of what to do because of all of the rumors I am hearing come out the woodwork now.
My wife has limited contact me via email which she often initiates, although I do believe I reply too quickly and with too much information. I try to limit talk of the past and just tell her I'm more concerned about her safety and wanting to make sure this divorce goes as smoothy as possible.
She says talking to me is too painful. Her emails are usually full of anger, blame, and requests. And despite the pain of her abandonment and emotional neglect and abuse I still try to be positive in all my interactions.
I'm an a very private person, so going dark is not abnormal for me. My wife is a social butterfly and during our relationship I would often shutdown and shut myself away which would make her manic and obsessed with trying to control and pressure how I felt. The more she got possessive with my moods and feelings, the more I wanted to withdraw out of fear and resentment.
Later in our marriage when I finally started opening up, she in turn would get angry, resentful, and withdraw. And recently before she decided to run away, there had been nothing anger and confusion coming from her regarding anything I said or did. On one had I'm too passive, too withdrawn, and too shut in. On the other hand I'm controlling and abusive.
Too afraid to keep opening up to her and be attacked, I started speaking to my family and friends again after being on "hiatus" for many years. They have all rallied around me to support me, but that is when the rumors started coming out. The have told me that my wife said I was unpredictable, aggressive, abusive, and controlling.
They told me that she always said she never felt safe around me and that I'm the reason for all of her pain and confusion. That was a double whammy, on top of all the other recent things she has done to me (mainly lashing out and verbally berating me).
At first I was shocked, then sad because I tried to think of anytime I was not agreeable with my wife and if that made her feel bad. But now anger is building because I know that I never tried to demand anything from my wife because I was too afraid to.
I started cleaning our home today and boxing her stuff today, my goal was to get my home organized and possibly prepare it to sale if necessary. When I notified her via email, in the most polite and calm manner possible, her response seemed agitated and worried.
For some reason the person who said they would always love me and never abandon me seems happy to make unreasonable demands on me and state to world how free she is now that I am out of the picture. But she seems angry that I appeared to have taken the first steps to reclaiming my independence back.
I love her, I miss her, I want her safe, and I'm worried about her emotional/ mental state based on her recent abnormal actions. But I can not even think about ever getting back with her after all of this.
