Sara, I would love to have videos/ books on how to zip my lips. This is my achiles heel and will probably be for the rest of my life.
MWD has a section on changing the steps of the dance in some of her books. Like what surfer said, note the when, why, what and how of these triggers. And change any one these steps.
I think you're doing a great job by not committing to these talks and leaving them to the therapist.
Perhaps for the time being, you could distract him whenever you sense these talks coming up.
Seems that physical touch and validation are working on your H.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
