Still hanging on ... just

[Oluwa]

I would not move out either as that is the #1 mistake that can be made in a divorce.
Not sure why your IC is telling you that.
You can learn how to detach and get a life without moving out or starting to date.
However that is not to be discussed with your spouse.
Leave a little mystery, IMHO.

Sounds like you are trying to CONTROL her.
Is that true?

Thanks Cadet, this is probably a very good point you make here. I guess I am in some way still trying to control her, in that I want her to show me some affection or at least some small commitment that she wants to work to keep the marriage together. I sure its a common complaint that we feel that we have to do everything (in terms of changing ourselves, while expecting nothing from our spouse. Traditionally I would expect that both parties would want to work on the marriage for it to succeed. But I do understand the dynamics here and the approaches that Michelle recommends.

So in terms of control, I am not directly asking her to do something, but she can probably sense what I am hoping for all the time. And that probably does irritate her, as she is not ready herself.