She's going to come and watch them at YOUR RESIDENCE.
That'll never work.
For now and maybe for a year or two - parallel parenting --- I'd go there and set up exactly what you would have done in Michigan. The only thing your moving there helps with is that she'll actually be able to take her "visitation" time with the kids, have a real relationship with them and the kids won't have to go 10 hours back and forth across the Blue Water Bridge. Other than that - it's all on her.
If she BEGS to let her take care of the kids during the day instead of daycare or whatever, THEN, maybe (through a third party negotiator) you come to a solution whereby you drop the kids off at Grandma's or some other third parties house and she can pick them up and spend time with them or watch them there for the day. Such access would be conditional upon her adopting and adhering to your boundaries - which, for now, include Parallel Parenting guidelines in High Conflict divorces.
Don't give up your overnights. Ever. And for at least one year, do not trade or ask her to help you with custody time. Make other arrangements.
You never lay eyes on your ex-wife. It's too hurtful and you'll be trying to take her temperature all the time.
If, by chance, she wants to reconcile, she'll need to communicate that appropriate and do not take the bait unless and until she has made solid agreements on "no contact" with any of her OM's and agree to work a marital recovery program. Don't move her in or let her stay over and mess up the kids more by giving them fake hope. Ask your lawyers how she might go about trying to fool you into a fake recovery only to find yourself in a Canadian court fighting for custody yourself in a matter of months, weeks or just one year.
You MAY very well get blow back. A lot of courts and uninformed persons are motivated to punish you for seemingly NOT co-parenting and coming to table again and again to "collaborate" as though YOU are the problem. They'll say things like "you need to be the bigger person" or "you should co-parent 'for the kids'". Parallel Custody IS co-parenting and IS the recommended plans in your situation. Learn the programs in and out so you can defend yourself from the 'do gooders" who just don't understand and feel compelled to criticize you. Even teachers might try this and refuse to do separate conferences or whatever. In addition, I'd expect your ex-wife to try to take that road too as she charts a path herself to attempt to win back partial or more custody herself someday. She''ll resist parallel parenting (mostly because it cuts off her ability to criticize, control and blame you). But that's where parallel parenting really works best. All the sudden in a year or two of distance, you'll be healed and healthy having moved on with your life and she'll be pushing for "collaborative co-parenting" thinking she's winning some long term war for the hearts, minds and physical custody of your kids. At that time, "collaboration" becomes a heck of a lot easier for everyone.
OR she stays an evil wayward witch and you just move back to Michigan in 3 years under the current custody deal....she'll not have the money to use her monthly visitation so she'll just be stuck being summer vacation mom. She'll end up 3 years behind on her child support and she'll never be able to even file a motion for modification in Michigan until she pays up.
I'd caution you to not multiply your complications by getting overly involved with a new woman in Toronto. Be up front with anyone you may date that you will probably move back to Michigan when your "assignment" is up. Also, your children should be aware as well telling them this is just a rare and timely temporary assignment that works out with the divorce nicely since mom lives in Toronto. But you're still a US citizen and your family is in Michigan and you'll probably all have to move back to Michigan in 3 years and mom will hopefully come too but probably not and that would be her choice. Then in 3 years, when your ex-wife surely will try to make it seem like you are stealing her kids away from her, your kids will already know it wasn't ever permanent and will have known all along it was going to happen. If you STAY (or extend the 'temporary" assignment longer) - everyone celebrates versus that just being what's expected.
Another reason to resist entanglements with any women for a few years is because you've got 5 kids who have one parent so wrapped up in themselves and their boyfriends that having another wrapped up in them might be a nice counterbalance. If you end up dating, don't involve your kids for a long long time.
eirene
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
