Focus on Me and the Boys 9

[J5K]

Sometimes the best way to "co-parent" is to use the Parallel Parenting Model. At least for a year or two.

In most situations like yours I recommend parallel parenting for the betrayed spouse no matter how good the other parent is seemingly being. It's just emotionally unhealthy for a victim of such abuse to be the one in there trying to be the bigger person or the "adult" with their very recent abuser.

In case like yours it's just mandatory.

You can't co-parent with a lying terrorist and she takes all your communications as attempts to control her.

GB, thanks for the advice. Others have offered the same and after today's conversation with xW I will say I agree.

STBX goes to court this morning then sends me a text asking why I did not sign off on the agreement. Then she says now my L has to go back to court again to have it entered.

I did not see the text as I was working and then she calls and asks me the same questions above. I stated I did not want this and was unaware I had to sign anything, my L is still reviewing the judgment. She then went on to say every time I text and talk to L it costs me money. I agreed.

She then asks why I couldn't I have gone to court since I live her instead of making her drive and have a 10 hour round trip. I just validated with I bet this is very frustrating that you have to drive 10 hours to get this done.

And then more blah blah blah from her. I then just politely said I needed to get back to work and said goodbye and hung up.

The projection continues and somehow she feels I still need to help her get this done.

Your comment about wanting receipts probably doesn't work for her because she's more worried about what her boyfriend(s) with say or think.

To her "co-parenting" is a means of manipulation and control of you by her. Parallel parenting shuts that down and enables YOU to heal.

Agree, I will definitely set up a parallel parenting app to discuss things with STBX so I can heal. Her worries are hers to deal with. I need to focus on me and the boys. I see that she perceives I am trying to control her. If she ever brings it up, I will have to address it differently.

Perhaps it's fine to move there as long as you clear it with your attorneys and; hopefully, your employer clearly defines it as a temporary assignment or something should you want to come back and she sues in Ontario trying to maintain residency/custody "as is" there. Establishing jurisdiction there is probably a huge risk so keeping an address in Michigan and not getting them dual citizenship might be safer but I have no idea. Talk to your lawyers. Get it in writing BEFORE you go there.

The job is temporary, 3 year assignment. I will have to see what I can do about protecting my time with the boys prior to moving. More to come on that issue later.

Parallel parenting isn't far off from LRT either. Being in Toronto will enable them to maintain and keep their relationship with mom; but, otherwise, such relationship developing and maintaining will be all on her.

I think this might have all gone down better emotionally for you if you had waited a few months to do this. After several months of reality sinking in for your STBXW sinking in and her failing to exercise her visitation (but before she got the whole summer next year) your decision to move there would have been met with relief and appreciation. Before the divorce was final just makes it sound like you didn't like the outcome, hate being stuck with the kids so much and maybe are looking for a way to MAKE her help you while maintaing control over HER kids. Not saying that's truth at all --- just how a self entitled manipulative wayward wife would maybe see things.

Antio

I get your point that she may perceive this as me being stuck with the kids. At this point I really don't owe her an answer on that. I did not ask for her help in watching them when I move there. She offered when we spoke last Sunday, but her actions will speak to that. I have no confidence that she will consistently come and watch the boys 5 days a week after school. So the first or second time she slips and changes the schedule I will just have to get the babysitter/nanny back in the picture.