Zues, I'm not salaried -- I'm commission only, and I've never held a sales job before. Taking this on has stretched me WAAAAAY out of my comfort zone. I am one of a very small number of single moms in my organization in the COUNTRY doing this job, and and with less family support than most.
I am fortunate that my settlement was generous enough that I can afford things like childcare and cleaning help, but there are things that can't be delegated -- like homework oversight, etc. -- that I'm struggling to keep up with. D13 and I have agreed that if I sign up for a meal service like Blue Apron she and the boys will help prepare more dinners so we can have planned family meals rather than scavenging the fridge at the last minute because I'm too tired to cook what I had intended.
Additionally, I did only move a year ago. My house is still a work in progress. My routines aren't set in a way that makes the household run smoothly. If that were all in place, I'd be way better off.
I spent the first three months in this profession failing. I'm about to conclude my second three months and while they're significantly better, I still have a long way to go. I'm not accustomed to failure and there has been a TON to learn as I'm expected to be a top producer at the same time. I'm poised now to take off. But I am so tired.
On a slightly different note, D13 was telling me how one of her best friends (also 13) recently broke up with her boyfriend because he was pressuring her to start kissing him -- because his friends were teasing him that they hadn't yet. She told me that she felt really badly for him because he's diagnosed with depression and takes medication for it and that he was extra depressed because her friend had broken up with him. He asked my girl to intercede for him (thankfully she had the sense to decline). I told her that there would always be that pressure and that a girl should never acquiesce to something she wasn't ready to do herself. That the boy was going through something all boys would go through and that his depression couldn't be an excuse for giving him what he was asking for. That she should be prepared to see that pressure happening for the next thirty years and that she needed to decide how she wanted to handle it for herself.
She said: "Thirty years? I'll be 43! You don't expect me to be, like, married, when I'm 45?"
So not everybody expects life to go awry. I'm glad she still has faith in the institution, although it's clear that her faith in her dad has gone down the toilet.
I laughed and told her I had no idea what her future held, because she is so much her own person.
Sometimes things go ok. I will get a little rest this weekend, even if it's not enough.
Thanks for letting me vent here.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
