Being good at disagreement

[Zues126]

I worry that because he has not been married and has no children that he has no idea of what type of sacrifice an enduring relationship requires. I don't want to be attached and then have him realize after the initial attraction wears off that, "hey dealing with a kid is a major responsibility and I just need to bail". Because essentially, that's what my husband did.

I get that J. Trust me.

The one thing that stands out with your posts is this concept about how relationships with kids require sacrifice. We've talked about it before. I know because in my relationship I felt completely neglected to the level that if I had been a dog the animal rights groups would have found me a new home. So my fear is that my future partner doesn't know the type of effort it takes not to let me be sacrificed!

So what, specifically, are you thinking you won't be able to do for your new man? Do you want mental permission to go a year at a time without sex if you are overwhelmed with life? Do you want him to know that you won't be able to spend much time with him in the evenings? Are you thinking he'll get frustrated because you can't go out to the bar at night with you on weeknights? Where, SPECIFICALLY, is it that you think he's going to feel fed up?

I also fear that a partner might lack the commitment it takes, that piece is universal. But what I feel threatens the commitment is the opposite. I can't imagine a woman truly validating and remaining accommodating of sexual needs specifically. In other words, I'm afraid of BEING sacrificed. And that hurt me enough in my M I may never talk to a woman again (DB forums aside). I fear that things will start off fine, but then she'll be repulsed, or diminish those needs as 'just sex' because it isn't crushing HER soul to go without, and consider it something I need to understand must be 'sacrificed' for the kids, career, life, and everything and anything else.

So I really do wonder what it is you need your partner to be able to sacrifice, and why you feel you are unable to provide what your partner will need from you?

My only other question is whether you think he'll change, or you will? If you can't go out to the bars now, wouldn't he understand the lifestyle of what it takes to be with someone with a kid? Do you think HE will change and want more? Or do you think you are needy now and willing to do anything to feel better, but when you are feeling better YOU won't want to have to put so much into it?

I'm not being critical at all J. Just trying to talk real. Some of this is embarrassing for me to talk about, but if you can't be real with an online community that you'll never meet face to face that cares about you, when can you?

Hang in and keep posting.