You are still in the shock stage, and that's normal. Heck 3 years post BD I still shake my head and think "Really .. this is what is left??" but as with all these things it cycles and is less intense with each rotation.
So your W is filling out D papers, that's what she thinks will bring happiness and there is not much you can do about that. Listen to your parents because they are correct, at this moment its business, protect yourself and the kids and remove the emotion out of it the best you can. Focus on yourself for a bit ... its time to start the mirror work.
OK so my DB Coach said I should have gone to my regular MC with my wife today even though things were not moving in the correct path...at least for me.
So do I now backtrack and try to make another MC appt?
Thoughts?
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
My wife set the appointment, but then said that it would change nothing about how she feels. That is why I told her I didn't want to go. Now I feel I maybe should have gone...I don't know.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
I just got an email from my MC saying that my W went to our appt by herself, but she said that my W still sees things as bleak. She said that she told my W that marriage therapy could continue, but that it has to be about the two of us. She said that my W is going to talk to me about it tonight.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
a general consesus on these boards is that unless an unmistakable interest is expressed to work on the marriage from the WAS, there really is no point in doing it, as it is only an excuse for the WAS (She tried, she gave it a shot, didn't work, time to go off and be "happy"...).
In your signature you say that W had an EA APR-JUL. What makes you think the EA ended?
Vapo...It says in the boards that we should not try and spy to find out info. I have seen nothing that it still is..that being said, I just don't know.
I have always been a glass is half full kind of guy, so maybe I am just naturally optimistic, but that is why I have you guys to keep me grounded...as well as my parents and brothers.
I will see how she approaches telling me that she went by herself and make the best guess as to how to handle it from there. I will let you know of the outcome. THX
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
I have locked this thread because it is 10 over the 100 posting limit. Once you've created a new thread, I'll be happy to return and post your new thread link here for you.
When she vent to you, your job as H is to listen and validate. (research how to do this) You want to be the one she comes to, not some OM.
Maybe consider scheduling a solo appointment with the MC and yourself. Lay out in no uncertain terms that you intend to stand for your M, and will not come to MC only to facilitate an amicable D. His/her response will tell you if it is in your interest to go back to MC together.
Based on my brief post bomb MC experience, it won't help... until your W decides she wants to work on the M.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
