I need to confront her and let her know right? I'm pretty sure that wil send everything in a tailspin.
You can count on it^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^. Do you think you are going to confront a WW about her A with OM (that's had for at least 5 years!!) and think she's going to tell you she wants to save the MR? It doesn't work that way. She may be upset with the OM, but she's addicted to him!
Have you read the links Cadet first posted to you? Have you read DR? That's where you need to start, before you think you are going to confront her and she's going to plead with you to give her another chance. I'm not saying you cannot ever address the A, but I am saying you need some DB material under your belt before you jump into something you know nothing about, or unprepared. That's not to say I am supporting her waywardness. I am trying to tell you what you need, first.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
