"The worst thing for your mental health right now is for you to seek validation from others. The worst thing we can do for you is to give it to you."
What the heck kind of advice is this? Right now whenever someone needs some kind of encouragement, the validation is necessary. You really should read DB for a change.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
"The worst thing for your mental health right now is for you to seek validation from others. The worst thing we can do for you is to give it to you."
What the heck kind of advice is this? Right now whenever someone needs some kind of encouragement, the validation is necessary. You really should read DB for a change.
Requiring validation for external sources is a recipe for disaster. No matter what school of thought any psychotherapist follows they all teach that very thing. You must validate yourself. If you can't find peace and happiness for yourself then you're doomed. Every IC on the planet will tell you the exact same thing.
Tx, I could not disagree more with you. When your entire life is shaken to the core at BD, it is very hard to function, hell, it's even hard to breathe and every little encouragement helps, it is a lifeline practically.
And people coming by your thread and explaining to you what just transpired and how to make it day bay day are a godsend. I truly do not know how I would manage on my own, without encouragement and some pep talk.
And even though there is some validity in your claim, it is a recipe for disaster for any newbie, who's defenses, selfesteem and life in general are in shards all over the place. And just as you would not yell at a toddled or a child for spilling a drink, you CAN'T yell at a newbie LBS to get his/her act together and to "buck up" and frankly if that is the scope of your advice, I suggest you refrain from "comforting" newbies with them.
Vapo, you are managing on your own. We all are. It has to be that way. It's ok to want validation from others. It's not ok to need it. That's straight from therapy. You notice that therapists do the same thing. A lot of tough love. Requiring external validation leads to co-dependence and is what got a lot of people here in trouble in their marriages in the first place. I didn't waste that $10K+ I've spent on therapy. I listened and I learned. If you can't learn to self-validate, you're doomed.
"Requiring validation for external sources is a recipe for disaster. No matter what school of thought any psychotherapist follows they all teach that very thing. You must validate yourself. "
LOL Now I know you're a troll. Validating oneself when one is healthy is fine. But not when your world has been pulled apart and you don't know if what you're doing is the right thing to do and looking for some direction. Read DB, get educated.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
"Requiring validation for external sources is a recipe for disaster. No matter what school of thought any psychotherapist follows they all teach that very thing. You must validate yourself. "
LOL Now I know you're a troll. Validating oneself when one is healthy is fine. But not when your world has been pulled apart and you don't know if what you're doing is the right thing to do and looking for some direction. Read DB, get educated.
Actually when you're down or depressed is when you have to work hardest to validate yourself. I have also reported your repeated personal attacks on me and others. That is a very clear violation of board rules and won't be tolerated.
And Tx, you as a relative newbie (but have made great progress none the less), really should show more respect to someone that has over 20 times the posts you have and has helped many and is well regarded and recognized in this community.
And Tx, you as a relative newbie (but have made great progress none the less), really should show more respect to someone that has over 20 times the posts you have and has helped many and is well regarded and recognized in this community.
Take care...
I do not respect people that violate the board rules and continually insult and attack other posters. That is not how adults disagree. If it is it might explain the marital issues.
Not sure where you see I "attacked" you. I just said that your suggestions aren't in line with DB because you admitted you never read DB but came on here giving advice that was counter-intuitive to DB principles. You wouldn't be the first one to do that.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Oh and Hopful, I apologize for the conflict that someone has going on here. Bottom line is that I know you're looking for a ray of hope that the direction you're taking is the right one. Personally I think it is, and I can recount a number of success stories. Only you can get yourself out of the funk you're in, and we can attest that fighting for your M is a good thing.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
