Doodler, how old are you? You know, just in case my M doesn't work out. Lol. Or should I say "how deep is your love?"

Sotto, I completely agree with you. It is somewhat depressing tho, and as we see here in these threads, WS and WAS often do not return to the M. Perhaps they also stop posting at that point. And yes, it wasn't until I let go of my WH that he did his sharp 180 and wanted me back. That is why I am a huge proponent of letting them go, going dark, and assuming the end. Especially if there is an A involved; you need to take yourself out of plan B entirely. Don't ever let them think you are waiting or still available. They lose respect.

I have yet to see a wayward come back to the M after being put in the friend zone, but I would like to read examples of where this has worked. Is that more common with a walkaway? I think some folks confuse being a lighthouse with being too friendly--there is a big difference that gets misunderstood. I can tell you I didn't offer my WH friendship or family time and I realized soon on that he would take the cake if I gave it. No way. In the beginning I tried this for the kids sake, but I wasn't being true to my own feelings. It hurt. Then he got to have family time and run off to OW. NO!

One thing I want to tell people is that they don't have to be so hard on themselves. In my sitch I blew it ALL the time. For many months. I was actually a bit crazy. Mean. And emotional. My WH was scared of me and I didn't realize that I was self sabotaging because I wasn't a lighthouse and he saw no hope of me ever forgiving him. My behavior was keeping him away.

After several months I just burned out and gave up. I took my energy off of him and gave up hope. I started to picture my life without him. I stopped being mean and just let go. He didn't hold my previous behavior against me. He somehow blamed himself for hurting me and forgave it. So I guess my point is, we are only human and it's okay to make mistakes. You will change and so will they.

I do see a lot of posters that are too friendly in my opinion. I think the wayward loses respect for you when you do that. Be strong, have confidence, and don't slide yourself in the friend zone. It's quite simple, when someone dumps you, let them go and move on. Don't be friends with them if you don't want a friendship and to watch them date someone else. That svcks!

Ok, I'm done rambling.


Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela