Ciluzen - sorry you had a rough trip down memory lane. We all know that feeling.
Yes, none of us are without fault when it comes to our marriages. But once depression is in the mix, perception is completely skewed. You can't really "work" with someone who is depressed. And if it's MLC to boot, the LBS spouse (most likely) has the bullseye on his/her forehead.
And I am sorry, but there is an element of the ridiculous when it comes to many of the gripes the MLCer voices about the spouse. I am not saying I did not make mistakes. I did. But many of the things I heard were so stupid that IF those were the causes of the breakdown of my marriage? Well, then it was about as mature a relationship as you'd find between middle schoolers. So, it should collapse.
In his irritability phase my h would get mad if I made him sunny side up eggs and the yolks didn't hold! Another time he got upset because I was printing too many things off our home printer. To hear him tell it, you'd think I was in the home office trying to print the whole internet!
My point? I am guessing from your sitch that you had garden variety marital problems. And with a non-depressed person you'd have a willing and able partner. But with a depressed partner? NO amount of reasoning, begging, pleading can help someone until he/she is ready. The skewed perception is just too real to them.
Don't to be this hard on yourself.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
