Still hanging on ... just

[Oluwa]

Some more background. I have tried to get her to go to counselling, and she even went do a joint MC session twice back in June. It seemed like she was keen, but the hours to attend with this particular counsellor clashed with her work and she stopped going. I decided not too push her to go to counselling with me and have continued seeing the counsellor individually.

I go to IC about every 3 weeks at the moment. Up until the last visit after the separation talk, my counsellor was very positive about the relationship. He kept telling me that she still loves me, but doesn't respect me. This comes from my previous neediness as discussed originally.

But when I saw him afterwards and explained how well we had been getting on (supposedly) and then what she said about separating again. He said that I can't keep wasting my energy on this woman, I need to focus only on me. He suggested that I should agree to a separation in the house, in that I officially move to the spare bedroom and we sit down and explain to the kids that we are having a formal separation but in the same house.

I only raised the issue of what does she want to do about the separation and she didn't pursue any details. This was how I then suggested she read the workbook about divorce before making a decision.

I saw my IC yesterday and he is now saying that I should move out for 3 months. He said, that because I am still in the house and still supporting her as a friend, and helping about uni etc she can still sit still, and not progress the separation or divorce. She clearly isn't 100% sure that she wants out, but I get the feeling that if I suggested I would move out, she would agree straight away. I think she wants me to make the decision to split, even though it is her that wants it.