It's a hard balance, because it seems pretty clear he felt disconnected from the family as if he really didn't have a role. Giving him a chance to have a role, make decisions, I believe is a 180. doing it without pursuing or making it about you is tricky, but it can be done. I agree 100% with Job that you shouldn't TELL him to do anything, but just give him the opportunity. and stay away from reasoning, begging, and R talks, absolutely.
