Vey detached, no longer anxious, in limbo

[Phoebe]

Well, it's been another difficult few days, but I'm still standing. We had our first court appearance and I saw STBXH for the first time in 6 months. So, he is still in-country, though I still don't know anything other than that. It was really quite surreal.

Sunday was rough, then I saw my therapist the day before the court date and had a good talk. I told him how I've just been feeling like I don't care about much of anything any more, that most mornings for the last week, or so, I just want to stay in bed (not to sleep, but just to be able to stay in my safe warm nest), and that I am not sure why I keep staying up so stupidly late, but I keep doing it. He pretty much told me that I've taken s lot of hits in the last couple weeks, and that it's normal. He actually said he'd have worried more if I didn't have this kind of reaction. So... I guess it's normal, but it still svcks.

The night before the court appearance was horrible, I was an emotional disaster area. Eventually I went back into my hyperventilating/sobbing/down for the count meltdown, which required some Xanax to get through. In court, however, beyond shaky hands that I had to bury in my jap, I wax surprisingly OK. It helped to have my mom on one side of me and my L on the other.

I actually walked away feeling sorry for STBXH. The judge reduced some of the figures that my L asked for for various things, but the judge ruled for me on every count. The case stays in my jurisdiction (though the case I. The other state remains an issue), my legal fees are now WH's responsibility, and I got some temporary support. WH mostly kept his composure, but his very red face gave him away. He was pissed. Ah well, his fantasy life was to be divorced, so this is what he wanted. We could have settled. Instead, a judge had to make the initial decisions, and then things are out of your control. WH just learned a very expensive lessons.

Ok more later. I'm fall My asleep and I'm going to go with it.