you really have an amazing bunch of people helping you, so in many ways you may count yourself truly blessed. I to was searching for answers, I was beginning to think I was losing it, and when I found MLC description, it all clicked for me. As you said it, it fits to a T. Also it is amazing how all our spouses act alike, it is almost like they are all reading from the same script (that's why it is actually called a script).
Go search for Sandi's 37 rules, print them out, laminate them, keep it close and reread daily. DO NOT mention the MLC to your W, or DR for that matter.
DO NOT try to fix your W, you cannot. Really, please do not even try... MLC defies all logic. Try to resist sharing the MLC theory to your friends or even worse her friends (or mutual friends), it's a hard sell in the best of cases, but mostly it will just make you look desperate.
You are in this for a long haul, do not count on it being done anywhere soon, and I mean years rather than months.
DO NOT believe anything she says, also you said that she "had" an EA. What makes you think it is over? A women does not "fire her husband" if she does not have anyone on stand by. A sad truth, but applies to about 95% of the cases. I am not saying this to rattle you, but just to give you a heads up.
DO NOT take this personally, it's not you, it's her. She has to chase her demons, let her go.
DO NOT be her "friend". Friends do not treat each other like that...
DO NOT make this D easy on her, let her do the work, you can calmly explain that is is her D not your...
Treat your W as a neighbor, friendly, but standoffish.
Axe any and all expectations, she will not come out of this hole any time soon. And as other have said, it will probably get worse before it gets better.
How much longer, before you start feeling better you ask? Well, in my case, it stopped getting worse after about 6 months post BD and it started getting better about a year or so post BD. Yo do not get better all at once, but at first bad spells last shorter and are less severe and more and more time is in between them.
Please take the time to take in all the great advice the people are offering to you. Occasionally you will try to go against the advice, because you will fill you know better, in vast majority of these cases you will be wrong, but I understand you will try. No one will hold it against you. These people are a godsend, and all of us, that are more than a year post BD, we like to pay back for the great advice and comfort we received, to help out the new folk here. Sadly this really is a club no one wants to be a part of...
