MLC & Alcoholic

[HaWho]

Kdvor - while I am STILL here, I am NOT still "here" in the same way. What do I mean? Well, I regained my sanity in all this; aka I detached from what is HIS crisis. Yes, our m was not perfect. Yes, I made mistakes. But it's not like I slept with every man in his family.

So, no one can tell you exactly how to survive this. BUT, it does start with slowing your mind down and reading a lot about detachment and MLC. Because if you believe this is MLC, then you come to understand there is no easy fix to HIS crisis. A trip to Victoria's Secret will not do the trick. (Trust me because I tried pretzeling myself to make my h happy until I realized NOTHING was "working" because he was unhappy internally.)

While you can't fix this, certain things DO make it worse: trying to reason with him, talking about the marriage, talking about counseling, begging him, pleading with him, etc. Stay away from these.

So, what can you do? Look at yourself. Slow down and really assess. Go back a re-read what all these people posted. Think about your h's complaints and try to determine if any of them have a real basis.

As for how to treat him? This is what I was explaining earlier. Slow down and be consistent in the way you treat him. (I pictured my kids being in the same room with us and acting accordingly.) Don't ignore him, be cold, angry, hostile, ride in separate cars, try to punish him for this, etc.

I know you are mad! One of the things to work on is getting that anger out in a constructive fashion: cleaning out closets, exercising, taking the kids out, seeing friends, etc.

Stay away from any relationship talks!!!