"So the 180 is ME asking him to engage and do stuff for the house and the family. How do I ensure this doesn't look like persuing?"
That's not what the 180 is. This is why you need to read DB. You are spinning in all directions asking us to answer specific questions which are basically all of our opinions and it makes you spin even more out of control. The 180 is when you change behaviors or actions that pushed your spouse away in the first place and change them. For example, if your spouse said you didn't clean the house, start cleaning. When it comes to 180s like attention, you don't go overboard. You've already seen what happens when you do that.
I can tell you that even if you were joking about him being "worthless" around the house, no man or woman wants to hear that. It makes you not a safe place and have them not even want to try contributing, therefore perpetuating your situation in an endless circle. Think back to when you were first married, and dating, I'm sure he did contribute. Are you the type that likes things done your way? Do you always have to have a plan of action when you do things? Have you been critical of him (even jokingly) when he tries to do something to help? If so, then stop that. That's the 180.
"Is he in Replay, Depression, Withdrawal? I am not sure. . ."
It's obvious he's depressed but you can't keep trying to control the situation. You're trying to anticipate what he's going to do and why he does it. If you don't stop, you're going to do something rash again.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
