Kdvor I'm sorry you are having such a bad day. Unfortunately there is no other way through this, and if you chose to stick with DBing you will have some bad days, when it will all seem like it's falling apart and you are wasting your energy. However, what is the alternative? Walking away? Asking him to leave? Will that not result in the break up of your family? It is a roller coaster, and you will go through different emotions. I think you are still at the beginning, so don't be too harsh on yourself if you need to cry. At the end of the day you are mourning for the future you had planned and dreamt off. However cry in private, don't let him see you, and don't burden your kids with your emotions. I know it is hard, I still have days when I cannot stop crying, and I hate myself for it. But does that help?
As Rose, Job and Ginger suggested, stop all R talks immediately. There is no letter you can write, no message you can send, no speech you can prepare that will get through to him. All you achieve is open yourself to more pain. My H does not reply to "needy"messages either, so I have finally learnt my lesson. I aim to not initiate any R talks, and know by experience that if I do will just push him a little further away.
By the way, my H spends the weekends home with us (visiting the kids mainly) so I understand how hard it is. I do have the luxury of a "break" from his insanity on weekdays. But being under the same roof with a person that looks at you like you have wronged him in every way possible is hard..
Best of luck, keep posting and journaling, just remember, no R talks!!!
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
