You know when a child gets free run, but actually really craves authority and attention and some structure?
I'm going to imagine maybe that's the way he was acting when he had free range and you cared for the kids. perhaps he wanted to be included, given responsibilities with the children, and he was attention seeking. This wasn't for you to know. There was obviously poor communication on both ends. He probably didn't feel important from what you described. No fault of your own, he should have been proactive, but maybe just didn't know how.
So for a 180 there is no R talk or convincing, but you ask for him to do stuff around the house or for the kids. Stuff that is important and needs to get done. Don't argue if he says no, and be sure to validate if he does it.
Sounds like he wanted to be an active part of the family, but didn't know how.
