CaliGuy...I understand and have heard alot of the excuses.
And as far as teenagers...I have kids (19/14/10) and none of them act like this. She thinks this is all going to turn out perfect. I told her she was breaking our family apart and her response was priceless...she said, "Families don't get broken apart, they just get restructured". What a crock of excrement.
I am the sarcastic one in the family, so it has been very hard to keep my mouth shut and not engage when I hear these things. I now have an area prepped in the garage that I will use as a diffusing area (punching bag, jump rope & pull-up bar included).
She has an image/idea in her head of what D will look like, this has been painted over the past few years so to her its very clear. Reality will not look like her image and its up to her to realize that without you pointing things out. The more you say "Look its a green tree" the more she will dig in and argue its blue. This is where the Detach and GAL come into play she has to face her own reality
My BD was Sep13 and I did not find this place till what .. 9-10 months after and then took a couple more months till I discovered this MLC thing, so do not worry about a make or break mistake as it just does not work that way. Mr Bond said some prophetic words... as hard as it is, its going to get worse. It pains me to tell you that but you do need to turn inward at this time, become super dad, and just bear down.
Read up, sip the STFU smoothie and hang in there, come here to vent and make sure you cover those tracks so she can not see you are here getting support.
My problem is that it seems she is rushing the D thing and wants it done ASAP...my head is still spinning.
I want to try and slow things down a bit, but when she sets her mind on something it gets done and done fast.
I'm reading, but that STFU smoothie tastes pretty nasty...it is hard not to speak my mind. I will try to hang tough my friends. Thanks for the support.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Hi SBJ. Just wanted to post here and tell you you are not alone. My husband is doing the same thing. I really struggle with the 180 because I love him, my family etc. I am a doer and a giver. It is un natural for me to be selfish and disconnected. To detach is to become a person that we are not. I don't now what a STFU smoothie is, gonna google that one. But order me one as well.
The STFU smoothie is a term that was created here and I don't think you'll find it out on Google. It is shut the fxck up or another way, put duct tape over your mouth and just listen.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
By the way, the smoothie is a Shut The F--- Up Smoothie...it is hard for me to swallow and keep quiet.
As for forgiving...as hard as it is to do and say, Jesus Christ forgave us all for our sins...not comparing myself, but I'd like to think he'd give me the strength to forgive her as well. Whether she comes out of the fog or not. I'm not there yet, but I aspire to be one day.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Here is the thing with the STFU Smoothie ... Was Nov 14 and my W at the time hit a low spot and reached out wanting to talk, expressing she had made a mess of things and I simply had no words to offer, I was not about to pile on, nor could I argue so I sat there and in my mind sipped on this STFU smoothie and something remarkable happened .... the more I sat there in silence the more she talked and opened up. Now nothing was fixed out of this but it did give me a rare window into the mind of a MLCr and what she was going through at that time. That whole Knowledge is Power thing.
In the new days I would say the STFU smoothie is more for you to not add fuel to the fire, the MLCr after BD is desperate to distance themselves from the LBS and will do/say anything to get you to let go. You will find when you do 180 and let them be and you go about your day doing your thing, they will notice .. the reaction will be different for each sitch but they do watch us, they notice but you must allow them to get through their crisis and the majority who are here are complete fixers which creates more issues in itself.
Stop fixing, stfu, gal and look in the mirror in what you can do ... that's improve yourself, invest in you for now, allow them to walk that rocky trail without your help. They have to grow just as you do.
I guess I'm having an awakening about how similar everyone here is as far as being the ones who are fixers and also with regards to their spouses wanting out. Just in Ch 2 of DR it has become apparent that I'm not CRAZY. This is totally eye opening. Everything I've read so far fits my W to a T.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
