If I offended my apologies as you had admitted in the past you do withhold a good deal of info so based on what you do share is the only way anyone here could possibly give you advice, sometimes there are little nuggets dropped along the way that changes the entire approach.
As far as the 'Loser' comment ..... I would not have put it that way, I think what happens is people find themselves in a very bad situation that seems to have come from nowhere, like they were in a boat and all the sudden they find themselves in treacherous waters and are desperate to save their family/spouse but what needs to happen is they must save themselves first. I do think many (myself included) are/were co-dependent but I never felt that way with you/your sitch I almost just feel like possibly you are in a situation where D is not an option but the 2nd was and you are not at all happy with that angle that you have to share any intimacy with another woman which is what makes your sitch so unique here as for many the A/OM is a serious issue but in your arena its accepted.
I will echo job and say I think you bring a new perspective that could be learned from and I do hope you stay if this place does help you, but you seem to not agree with the principles many of us have adopted and I can only speak for myself and say once I totally bought in I was a better person for it.
