Here we go again....

[matw]

So yesterday I was not in a good place. I was just thinking about the marriage, it being over, the kids, etc... I decided I needed to go see some friends that I haven't seen since April of this year. I used to do kickboxing for many years and these guys were my trainers. They are the sort of guys that will always be there for you and genuinely care about your happiness. They both know my W as well (we used to kick box together).

So I showed up at the gym unannounced just to hang out with them. It was so nice just talking and having fun. Explained my sitch to them and while they were sad because they had both been to our 2nd wedding. They were extremely supportive and told me they were always there for me no matter what. Saw a lot of people that I have not seen since I love the 50+ lbs. I won't lie it felt good to have so many people tell me I was looking good, what was I doing, wishing they could lose that much.

Now the part that made me feel like I really do need some help is I felt guilty being there. I felt guilty that I needed to take out time to reconnect with some friends. Something normal people do all the time. My W didn't know I left work early to go see them and I didn't tell her. She goes out with her friends why should I feel guilty going to see mine. It was during these thoughts that I realized how far I have fallen from being a man. I wasn't doing anything wrong yet I felt like I was. I have just as many issues as my W does.. they are just different ones. Ones I need to work on for myself if I ever want to have a relationship that I am true to myself.. either with my wife or someone else.