DBing is not just to help save a marriage, but it's also a tool that anyone can use at any time. I use the tools in my life every day. In fact, there are many people out there that are DBing and aren't even members here. They learned many of the techniques in management classes, etc. In fact, that's where I learned some of the techniques that are recommended here, i.e., management classes.
However, I do want to know where you got the idea that we are supposed to be a bunch of losers? No one has said that about anyone here. I give a lot of credit to those who post here because it takes courage to come here and seek help, to admit if they have traits that need some work or the fact that they are willing to stand for their marriages. To me, no one is a loser unless they choose to make themselves one.
If what you are doing in your relationship w/your h is working, then continue to do it. We always say do what works and if something is not working, then stop it and try something else. Each and every person has free well and can make choices that suit their situation. If they ask questions, we try to assist them. If they don't like the advice, then toss it out. If they wish to seek assistance elsewhere, I say go for it. The more knowledge you have the better it is.
I'm sorry that we haven't been able to provide the solutions that you were looking for. I wish we could and if you decide to continue posting, we'll continue to make suggestions and what you do w/those suggestions is up to you. But know this, we do care about you and each and every poster that comes here.
I hope that you will decide to stick around. I have found some of your advice thought provoking and it's good to have someone new bringing something new to the table.
If you opt to leave, then I wish you well on your journey.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
