Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 5

[Sotto]

Hi Sara, I'm sorry you've been having such a rough time lately. Reading along, I think your H and your sitch are all over the place just now - he wants to rebuild, he wants to D - and that's just in the past couple of weeks.

My guess is he may remain somewhat confused for some time and the main thing is not to jump in that rollercoaster car when it glides up. That means not getting hopeful when he says he wants to rebuild and not dashing your hopes against a rock when he says he wants to D. I think it you continue to do those things, it just enables his behaviour because he knows he has a loving W who wants him - even though he is behaving poorly.

IMHO, if he says he wants to D, I would act as though that truly will be the case. So, if you bear with me and follow this through here. If you knew without any doubt you were going to D, what boundaries would you put in place for yourself. Would he get to sleep in the marital bed? Spare room? Would he have to find himself a place to stay? Does he get to hug you and treat you as his W?

Do have a think about this area, because in your sitch it may well be that he truly needs to appreciate how life will become if he follows this through. And I'm not talking about being cold - just honest and open with him about what does and doesn't work for you, given all circumstances. I see so much fear in your sitch and I see you doing all that you can to hold on. I understand that and I have been there. But perhaps it is time to lose the fear and let him go? Sometimes we need to let go in order to hold on....

Xx