Hi Mleigh Very Nice read about where you are. What I like about it is you are in control of yourself. Not slipping. Not expecting. Just enjoying the time.
Only thing I would be worried about is if your S has expectations. Seeing you 2 as before. In the home. Etc
After BD 1 for me my XW pretended that we reconnected. Holding my hand. Doing family things. I saw my daughters looking at us with the biggest of smiles. Only to have it al crash at BD2
You seem in a good place and yes "life is good" Xx
Irish
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
Good update, Mleigh! You sound very at ease with your situation right now; very calm and good with yourself. I feel that maybe your H can see/feel that, too? You have created a safe, comfortable place for him to return to when he feels he can, even if he can only do it in short bursts. I think you get the lighthouse idea very well.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
Hi Irish! You sound good in your posts too. I lurk but don't post much.....I know what you mean about S expectations, I have thought of it too. I think he is ok, in fact, I think he prefers our home to be just him and I, with visits from daddy. He recently said his favorite night is Friday night because its just me and him hanging out and staying up late. It's good advice though and I will keep my eye on that.
Hi Ciluzen, it's good to hear from you. I am in a calm peaceful place, although I do have my moments, but they pass. I feel I finally found a place that works well, for now, but don't want to live this way forever It feels like I am moving, flowing slowly, towards something good
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Ya, I am much better these days. It's only taken me 3 years, but hey, who's counting?
The scary part for me is that it's more about me figuring my chit out these days. H has really given me a lot to think about, a side of him I didn't know he had, a side I am not too fond of. He has never really been a support system, a "I am here no matter what" type of person. I mean, the guy blew up his family because he wasn't getting enough attention! I know this all comes from deeper issues, I have my own, but I find myself wondering if I could ever really count on him through life, through tough times. We shall see......
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Hi MLeigh, I'm glad to read you are doing so well! It sounds as though you have settled into a groove that works for you both just now. As you say..in time who knows, but as long as you are happy with the current situation, that's great. Things could change in time and I'm sure you'll handle that with your usual thoughtfulness and grace if they do.
Take care xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Ya, I am much better these days. It's only taken me 3 years, but hey, who's counting?
The scary part for me is that it's more about me figuring my chit out these days. H has really given me a lot to think about, a side of him I didn't know he had, a side I am not too fond of. He has never really been a support system, a "I am here no matter what" type of person. I mean, the guy blew up his family because he wasn't getting enough attention! I know this all comes from deeper issues, I have my own, but I find myself wondering if I could ever really count on him through life, through tough times. We shall see......
I think we all have those thoughts/moments. I came across a post elsewhere talking about the memories. We all have these memories and it seems the MLCr skews them and only focuses on the bad, while the LBS often holds on to the good very much like someone who had lost their spouse to a sudden death. I had to sit back and really think about this myself, my W is the same, not a "I will have your back no matter what type" if anything she would pile on and I had to come to terms that I may in fact have re-written some of my marriage memories and things were not always Valhalla, I think I just figured this is what marriage is ... good with the bad, sickness and health but to be honest there was more bad and sickness than the counter part. I think at this point we all have stripped down the entire thing and we know who we are, what we want, what we will accept, what we will not tolerate and its up to the MLCr to convince us there is a future, something to look forward to while ensuring us we never go through this experience ever again .... but as we know this conversation is a distant one and we continue to wait for the fog to clear.
Hi Sotto! Good to hear from you. The groove is working, it feels right, so I am just going with it. It's so much easier than trying to do A or B.....I just wish I could have been this way from the start....but I guess I had to live through the mess to get here and be able to appreciate it the way I do.
Cali, you hit it. H would have to prove his sincerity and commitment to me to even have a chance. Not an easy task and not sure it's something he is up for, if he even wanted to, but not an issue to consider right now anyway. I am grateful for our friendship. I am so true to myself these days, it's a new world, a new life, for me. Every day I am grateful for so much, I consider myself a very blessed person and don't take it for granted.
Bttrfly, big (((hugs))) to you!
I miss you all so much. You are all in my thoughts so often.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
It feels like I am moving, flowing slowly, towards something good