Me and my 2 daughters

[Irish M]

Hi Vapo,
Nice to see another fan or Guinness
Some say it's aquired taste. I say it's delicious

Bttrfly and Esame
I too was amazed by the message in the video. You need to watch the whole thing to really appreciate it. I'm glad you both did :-)

A little update

A message out of the blue from my XW
She says she came across a story on this drug called LEAN. From what I can tell its kids taking a shot of cold medicine containing codeine and mixing it with soda. Pop if you are in Canada.
Harmless but I'm sure if someone drank enough of this they'd feel some sort of effect.
Anyway , she says she knows I'm a great dad and wouldnt tell me what to do. She just wanted me to warn the girls about it.

I do reply. Hour later.
Saying thanks but I'm on top of it and I have had the talk with both of them. Thanks

She replies thanks .
A few minutes later I get this.

Her: I don't know why the girls don't reach out to me. They never contact me.
I have no way to reach them. Can you call me so we can discuss?

Me: no reply

This is the first time she's asked me to call her. In the last 10 months.

I did want to reply remind her that their personal emails have not changed and she last messaged them in January 2016. That I do live in the same house she lived in for over 10 years. Phone numbers are still good.

I'm not sure I should entertain the phone call and hear what she has to say. She clearly still thinks it's the girls avoiding her.


Should I text her and say give me a call at so and so time? Listen to her and just say ok , ok , that's nice and goodbye

Or should I just ignore it since there is no substance

Irish

[job]

Irish,

I would send her a message and suggest that she call you at a certain time to see what is on her mind. If she begins the conversation w/the fact that she has no way to contact the girls, then politely remind her that the email addresses and phone numbers have remained the same. That she needs to mend the fences w/her girls on her own. That the girls are old enough to make their own decisions as to whether or not they wish to have contact w/their mother. I would then leave the conversation on this subject right there and let her digest that.

I would then ask if there was something else that she wished to discuss and if she doesn't have anything else on her mind, politely end the call.

I think she's finally coming to realize that she's made a mess of things w/her daughters and is trying to reach out to them. I think this one call should clear up some things for her, i.e., the consequences of her actions burned bridges not only w/you, but her girls as well.

Keep the conversation short, but on point. I know you can do this.

Just my two cents.

[CaliGuy]

I agree with job ... shocker right??!!!

I learned early on and expressed it as much that it was not my place/duty to mend the relationship between her and the kiddo. I think you have to take that approach going in but in this case also truth dart her a bit that you are not standing in the way ... emails and phone#s remain intact its her fear and guilt that is stopping her ... she may just be temp checking you on how your girls would react, lets face it after the damage done I would not want to face 2 teenage wolverine girls either!! Might be worse than being in the MLC tunnel and I do not say that lightly!!! lol

[Irish M]

Job , your 2 cents are always welcome. I did message her saying she could call between 10-11am. She decided to text.
Saying she doesn't understand the girls not wanting to reach out to her. That she has tried in the past.

I messaged her back and it went like this:

ME: You chose a different path and your actions towards the girls have played a huge part in them not wanting to be part of your new life with OM. I don't want to repeat all the things that you did as I have pointed them out over the past year.

HER: they really hate me. what kind of kids would not be happy for me. If they can't accept i am happy I will cut all communication to them and you and will not try again.

ME: up to you. I can't help you with the relationship with the girls. I won't stand in the way unless i feel they are in any danger.

HER: your insults and accusations do not affect me. I am happy. I wish you and the girls a happy life lolll i wont reach out again.

ME: insults? accusations: I point out the truth. if that hurts its on you. I will not allow you to blame the girls or me for your broken relationship with them. It is all on you. Again you have forgotten your actions and you are blaming them. Seriously this has to end. I won't accept that you put this on them. take care. No need for a call since you still can't accept your part in all this.

No reply...

so i guess the collateral of the girls is not a concern for her. Her sister said it best. " i'm so glad the girls are with you Irish"

Cali. truth darts are attacks and insults to her. wow.
I actually got a good laugh out of today's interaction. She is wayyyy out there. What mom blows off her kids like that .. oh wait my XW.

Irish

[Vapo]

Irish, that was AWESOME. Truth darts galore. No need to reiterate or repeat though. You showed her you grew a pair and that was awesome.

But you do realize that you just called her a crappy mother to her face. Between you and me, she had that one coming, but point proven, move on.

Well done buddy, Guiness(s) on me.

[CaliGuy]

Irish

Yeah the truth darts are attacking because they are laced with logic and either they do not want to hear that or just the sound of it makes them cringe because as you said ... what kind of mother would walk out on her kids. There is no way to spin that even in todays social circles it would raise an eyebrow

I would guess she will run back to her tunnel, find validation in the places she can, dodge and avoid the guilt that is no doubt eating her up. You did well and maintained a sense of "Enough of your BS I am not allowing it on this side of the tracks" ..... she may lash out but I would guess she will just go dark again as she seems to do with such things.

[Irish M]

Hey Vapo. Love that "S" on Guinness (s)
Anytime

Yes truth darts but also enough is enough. I agree Cali, like before she will avoid.
No clue if she is even feeling anything at this point. I figure yes or she wouldn't be popping her head out of the hole.

She's clearly a victim.

Up until this day I still have yet to call her a name or put down OM. I don't waste any energy on him. As for her. She would love for me to bash her with Réal insults only to justify me as a bad guy. I can't go there because it's not me. Or should I ? 180 would approve :-)

I won't .

No reply from her all day. Cali , you called it

Irish

[CaliGuy]

Hey Vapo. Love that "S" on Guinness (s)
Anytime

Yes truth darts but also enough is enough. I agree Cali, like before she will avoid.
No clue if she is even feeling anything at this point. I figure yes or she wouldn't be popping her head out of the hole.

She's clearly a victim.

Up until this day I still have yet to call her a name or put down OM. I don't waste any energy on him. As for her. She would love for me to bash her with Réal insults only to justify me as a bad guy. I can't go there because it's not me. Or should I ? 180 would approve :-)

I won't .

No reply from her all day. Cali , you called it

Irish

Might be something of note not only for you but others here. I know for me its always this time of year ... Halloween kicks off the 'Family' type holiday seasons so there may be a few temp checks... Anchor tugs ... Chit-Tests more than normal. My sitch I have discovered just this past year that the initial trama that happened to W(STBX) was in November (Always a test as long as I can recall) so that sets off all sorts of things in her head .... just a heads up to you and all that the holidays not only will get them going a bit ... but they are difficult times for us aswell so just hang in there and ride this out the best you can starting new traditions.

[job]

Irish,

Bravo! Well done. Now, keep in mind that from Halloween to St. Patrick's Day, the MLCers tend to come out to play, i.e., in other words you may see more activity in texting, emailing, calling or acting out. Why? The holidays are reminders of what they left behind, which are good memories.

[Irish M]

Thanks Cali and Job

She did say she will never ever reach out to them or myself again.
Who wants to wager on that one. I doubt she'll be true to her words.
I do wish her luck on it though, it will give me a break from her pointing the finger.