was or what 8

[roist]

But I do understand very well your frustration over the poor connection and sometimes tension between W and you. Been there, done that! And at two years, you're at about the worst time, when lots of folks grow tired and give up.


I believe you can save and remake your M if you choose to.

Well then I choose to........

[Rouky]

Thank you Roist for stopping by my post, I really appreciated it. I haven't kept up with everyone's post as at times I feel I haven't much to offer people, but I'm grateful that you took time to read my posts. Thank you

[roist]

Hi rouky. I appreciate the visit.You have a lot to offer others, but concentrate on you for now.

Journaling:

At lunch today I had forgotten that we had decided to use two new baskets in the xfboys bathroom instead of the existing one we currently use. I knew we bought two new ones and remembered looking for them with W on internet. I just forgot they were instead of and not as well as the other one. No biggie but W said she worries about me and asks if I don't worry too! I laughed it off and said I have a lot in my head and can't remember everything. I did the whole bathroom from scratch and worked out all the technical and logistical details so I will not stress too much :: about that. That being said I have noticed I have a harder time registering info in my brain. So she could be right. I didn't mention to her that I believed our situation is largely responsible for any such lapses. I am not dwelling on this as I assume once I get through this, and have less stress that will improve naturally.

I am not mentally where I want to be but I think I am doingok, considering. As ye may remember I was depressed before I started trying to save my M. I started treatment about two months previous. My W in one of our R chats (early on before I realised how gone she was and before DBing) she said we would see where things are when I was finished. She told me to concentrate on me first as trying to change to much at once was well too much. I never got back to her to say now that I am better let's fix us. (She really could be my DB coach ) She hasn't either! I knew it was just a delay tactic from her and I learned to not push it during that delay period.

Not sure why I posted all that but maybe I am wondering what she's wondering about me.I am.just wondering not dwelling and definitely not trying to figure her out fully.


OK end of my ramblings. Have a good weekend.
I intend to....

[roist]

UOn Thursday I will be away for a week and a half. I intend to not come here during that time. But during the trip will be our 10th wedding anniversary and also the 2 year anniversary of me working towards saving my M. Even without that, the trip could have some triggers but I'll cross those when/if they arise.

For our anniversary I have organised a room and invited everyone who was at our wedding plus some newer friends and those who couldn't make it first time round. I have dug up our cermony and have put everything together to renew our vows. Won't that be a nice surprise for my W.

Only joking. I will take the advice of showing her the potential H I am, but have an inkling that the above may be too much!! When this is all over I may just have to scold her as I have missed 2 great occasions to celebrate us. Our 20th together and now our 10th married.

I have ordered something. Will get a card. Hesitate to have flowers waiting on arrival and may just suggest a restaurant for two. My gift should have arrived by now. Better get here before we leave. Sure it'll be here afterwards if not.

I still fluctuate with my feelings so I am proud of myself to have ordered a gift when I wasn't feeling v like it. Now it feels right to me. I doubt W has organised anything but if she has it will be a nice surprise. I have no expectations (except sex.....yeah right!) And will take it as it comes.

Otherwise I am looking forward to the trip.

Best wishes.

[job]

I want to wish you a wonderful trip. I do hope that the both of you will enjoy yourselves and Happy Anniversary early!

Travel safely!

[ForeverYoung]

For our anniversary I have organised a room and invited everyone who was at our wedding plus some newer friends and those who couldn't make it first time round. I have dug up our cermony and have put everything together to renew our vows. Won't that be a nice surprise for my W.

Only joking.

Ok, I gotta admit, roist. You got me with this! I was really concerned until I read "Only joking" Then I seriously laughed out loud. Well done, sir!

Have a great trip.

[Zephyr]

Hey Bro, how was your trip? hope you were able to enjoy it thoroughly!

[roist]

Thank you for asking. Trip went well.Met a load of people I don't see often. Saw some sights and ate a lot of good food. Had two nights out with friends for beers.

I made the most of it.

And I am now into my second week of my third year of DBing. Guess I must be closer to this ending than when I wasn't even two years at it!!

[SBJ]

And I am now into my second week of my third year of DBing. Guess I must be closer to this ending than when I wasn't even two years at it!!

I sure hope you are right...I am at the beginning of my W's MLC and you give me inspiration that a person can endure the crazy times ahead. Unlike yours my W has decided that she wants to D and move out so I am having to deal with that while I try and figure out my situation. One day at a time I guess.

Keep on staying strong!

[roist]

Thanks SBJ,

The way I look at it is this crisis will last a certain length of time. The more time that passes the less that remains. It is a simplistic version of my thinking but helps to keep going. Then the stubborn side of me says i have gone through too much for too long to walk away now. I could list umpteen thought patterns that I use to motivate me to keep standing but essentially each of us has to find our own reasons.

That motivation wanes but focusing on the positive and appreciating those goes a long way.My situation is more bareable than many here, yet harder in other ways. I am okay with my situation for now and I don't see my W leaving in the near future. That being said either of us could reach breaking point tomorrow. Que sera sera. Whatever will be will be.

Anyway I just wanted to say I appreciated you reading my thread and stating you found inspiration here. In life, in sport and in general we are all capable of much more than we imagine and likewise we can endure what we previously would have said impossible.

My advice to you, others and myself would be that during this crisisthere are three main aims to work through. First SURVIVE it, then LIVE through it and ultimately THRIVE.

Best wishes