Grl, I'm not sure if he isn't in immediate danger, the way he talks, he sounds as though he is. I asked someone who doesn't know the situation if they saw him in work. They said they had, but he did not appear himself. I leftvthats at that. If I had piece of mind he was ok, my mind would be far more relaxed. He's moved way out of the area, so there's no knowing how he is.
Yeah I'm not being clingy, I reached out a couple times, as I've read up on people suicidal and one thing is just letting them know you are there. Not as a wife, not even thinking of a relationship. But a human being reached out to another in need.
I am surprisingly quite stable, maybe even more than I have been in a while.
His stepdad was slightly different. He would come home steaming drunk. The ending to him was being took away by the police. He had h's m at knifepoint. H was a teenager and he tackled this grown man and saved his moms life. This has deeply scarred him.
Despite this, I'm staying calm and carrying on. Lots of self care. The oxygen mask theory in operation.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Sorry to hear about your situation. But here's the thing. You cannot be who he is. In life we make choices, like you have and we must suffer those consequences.
But we cannot suffer someone elses consequences, can we? If he kills himself, then it is his hands that did it - NOT YOURS.
You need to detach alot more. You have a bundle of joy in your womb, that and your other child should be your only focus and what will ultimately give you peace.
You will not find peace regarding your no-good husband. Look inside and you will find all the love that you ever needed!
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
My gut feelIng he is probably okay, just going through a terrible time and he needs to speak to an IC and really open up. He is hiding something and not dealing with it I feel. It May be many things.
I hope you are okay.
Surfer.
M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids Issues2009 Wpartying w/g.f's2013on EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR ImeetAP/EAhalts VariousBDDates MFCourse WSpew EAresumes I halt Wrages DBIng4/2016
DDJ, I get what you are saying. But I can't sit by and allow that to happen. I know god forbid if he did something it would be all on him, but I can't allow that to happen. I said this isn't to do with saving my m, that's not even in my thoughts. I'm concerned with saving a life. If this was anyone else, anyone. I would do my best to help, because I can't sit back and allow that to happen. He's also the father to my children, and they need him. Even if that's him not with me, I don't care, I have a toddler constantly asking about him who loves him.
Thanks surfer, I know what you mean. Maybe he is just having a difficult time, and he really needs to see an ic. I'm just concerned from the way he talks, he is just so down he thinks he is beyond that and isn't willing to try. And I know that's all out of my hands.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
I work in the mental health profession and Cherry is right, sending messages to a suicidal person that they are loved and needed is a good thing. She is not doing this with the ulterior motive of saving her M but rather reminding a potentially fragile person that he means something.
Her WH has done some pretty despicable things but that doesn't mean Cherry should just walk away when he is nearing death. (potentially I know)
Cherry, you cannot control your WH's actions but you are being compassionate. I am glad you feel calm and collected, remember he drowning and the only thing you can do is throw a life preserver to him. Remain out of the water and do not swim to him, he will drag you down. The messages are important but do not start to think his actions are a reflection of something you did or didn't do, kay?
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
I have been on the other side, where your H is. By the time I tell people about my pain, it is a genuine cry for help. Usually, this would mean that my threshold has been crossed twice over and I really need a life buoy.
Just having someone speak to me, listen to me and validate me really does mean the difference btw me calming down and me feeling like it's definitely the end of the road.
For a person who's clinging on by the tips of his fingers, we wouldn't want to pry open his fingers and loosen his grip. Cherry's h may not be clinging on by his fingers but he sure sounds like he's pretty near the edge.
Smart Cherry, You're right to secure yourself and take care of yourself.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
I work in the mental health profession and Cherry is right, sending messages to a suicidal person that they are loved and needed is a good thing. She is not doing this with the ulterior motive of saving her M but rather reminding a potentially fragile person that he means something.
Her WH has done some pretty despicable things but that doesn't mean Cherry should just walk away when he is nearing death. (potentially I know)
Cherry, you cannot control your WH's actions but you are being compassionate. I am glad you feel calm and collected, remember he drowning and the only thing you can do is throw a life preserver to him. Remain out of the water and do not swim to him, he will drag you down. The messages are important but do not start to think his actions are a reflection of something you did or didn't do, kay?
I love this Sara, "stay out of the water"... This is the perfect analogy for this witch Yes, compassion is the key here, he has reached a point that he does not have the faculties to cope with what he is going through... Others will not be able to convince him he needs help, but compassion and a listening ear can buy the time needed for him to reach a stable place and determine that help is needed to overcome.
You are doing well Cherry... stay out of the water and continue to support him... You are a rock, a lighthouse and a warrior queen...care for yourself to maintain the strength.
(((((Cherry)))))
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
Guys thank you. Sara, is it normal for them to continue to ignore you? I've sent him a couple of texts (nothing overboard or smothering, just letting him know I am here for him). I did a bit of reading on national suicide charities and NHS advise on helping someone suicidal. The distance of him being physically away makes it harder, especially when he's ignoring. It's his bday tomorrow and he's off work- this is when I fear he would do something, especially with him saying the day he came is the day he goes.
Grl I'm sorry you got to that point, I've had depression myself for a number of years, but for it to get to the extreme that you feel there's is no getting better and that you no longer have the strength to carry on must be awful.
Sara, that is great advise. My strength and calmness has surprised me, I'll continue to stand on the shore throwing the rope. The way I see it is that someone here needs to be strong, level headed, and emotionally stable to help. As well as continuously being strong for S so he doesn't get distressed thinking there's a reason to be worried, I know they pick up on this.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
